There were three women 2 brunets and a blonde. 1 brunet went down the slide and said money and she landed in money. the second brunet went down and said naked men and she landed in a pile of naked men and did it with them. The blonde went down and said weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and she landed in wee.
Author: admin
Birth control pill
A truck driver was pulled over by a state trooper.
The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, “Did I just see you swallow something?”
“Yep, that was my birth control pill,” said the driver.
“Birth control pill?” asked the patrolman.
“Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was fucked.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
An interpreter.
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.
You might be a college student if . . .
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
Egg Dispute
There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s garden.
He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.
The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
“In my family,” the Scotsman said, “we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I knock you down and time how long it takes you to get back up. Then you kick me down and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.”
The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots kicked the Englishman as hard as he could and knocked him over. The Englishman fell to the floor and howled in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to kick you.”
The Scotsman said, “No. You can keep the egg!”
Day off
So you want a day off? Let’s take a look at what you are asking for!
There are 365 days this year.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.
We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only one day available for work and I’ll be damned if you’re going to take that day off!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Sky & panties
what is the difference between the sky & panties?
sky covers the WHOLE UNIVERSE,panties cover the UNIVERSAL HOLE!!!
New Guy
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
“What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only… Smith, Jones, Baker… That’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .”
Math through the years
Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his
profit?
Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What
is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set “L” of lumber
for a set “M” of money. The cardinality of set “M” is 100. Each
element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the
elements of the set “M”. The set “C”, the cost of production,
contains 20 fewer points than set “M.” Represent the set “C” as
a subset of set “M” and answer the following question: What is
the cardinality of the set “P” for profits?
Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. Her cost of production is $80 and her profit is $20. Your
assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees,
the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a
living? Topic for class participation after answering the
question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the
logger cut down the trees?… There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 1996: By laying off 40% of its loggers, a
company improves its stock price from $80 to $100. How much
capital gain per share does the CEO make by exercising his stock
options at $80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed,
because this encourages investment.
Teaching Math in 1997: A company out-sources all of its loggers.
The firm saves on benefits, and when demand for its product is
down, the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average
logger employed by the company earned $50,000, had three weeks
vacation, a nice retirement plan and medical insurance. The
contracted logger charges $50 an hour. Was outsourcing a good
move?
Teaching Math in 1998: A laid-off logger with four kids at home
and a ridiculous alimony from his first failed marriage comes
into the logging-company corporate offices and goes postal,
mowing down 16 executives and a couple of secretaries, and gets
lucky when he nails a politician on the premises collecting his
kickback. Was outsourcing the loggers a good move for the
company?
Teaching Math in 1999: A laid-off logger serving time in Folsom
for blowing away several people is being trained as a COBOL
programmer in order to work on Y2K projects. What is the
probability that the automatic cell doors will open on their own
as of 00:01, 01/01/00?
Un tipo se sienta a
Un tipo se sienta a la mesa de un restaurante muy lujoso. De inmediato, un mesero se acerca para pedirle su orden.
“�Qu� va a ordenar el se�or?”
“�Me podr�a traer, por favor, una sopa de cebolla?”
“Como no, se�or, enseguida se la traigo”.
Al cabo de diez minutos regresa el mesero con la orden:
“Aqu� tiene, caballero. Buen provecho”.
“Muy amable”.
No pasaron ni quince segundos cuando el cliente, enfurecido, grita:
“��yeme, mesero de mierda, ven para ac�!”
“D�game, se�or, �qu� pasa?”
“Prueba esta pinche sopa que me trajiste”.
“Pero, �qu� le pasa a la sopa?, �est� fr�a? Puedo ordenar que se la calienten”.
�No, no, no, calentar ni madres! Quiero que pruebes esta pinche sopa, m�ndigo desconsiderado”.
“Pero, se�or, �tiene un pelo o acaso hay una mosca?”
“�Cabr�n, c�mo ser�s pendejo! Adem�s, como adivino no sirves. H�blale al gerente”.
El mesero, consternado, llama al gerente, y �ste llega a hablar con el cliente:
“D�game, se�or, �en qu� puedo servirle?”
“Pruebe esta pinche sopa”.
“Pero, �no est� buena?, �tiene mal saz�n?”
“�Puta, otro pinche adivino de mierda! Nom�s quiero que la pruebes, cabr�n.
“Se�or, si no le agrad� la sopa no tiene que pagarla; es m�s, como en este restaurante lo primordial es servir al cliente, va una botella de nuestro mejor champa�a para usted, y esto totalmente gratis”.
“�Me vio cara de alcoh�lico o que chingados? Yo lo que quiero es que usted pruebe esta pinche sopa”.
El gerente, irritado por la forma tan grosera en que el cliente se dirige a �l, le responde:
“�Ultimadamente, hijo de tu pinche madre, pos la voy aprobar! �D�nde est� la pinche cuchara?”
“�Ah� esta el pedo, g�ey: no me trajeron la pinche cuchara!”
IRS
An elderly businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.”
“And what do you want me to do with your ashes?” asked the friend.
The businessman continued, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service… and write on the envelope, ‘Now you have everything.'”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Drive defensively-…
Drive defensively-
Buy a tank.