Real call to a computer company tech support

Tech support: always they�re for you

One day a guy calls tech support. This is a little like how it went…

Cust: hello?

TS: hello

Cust: yeah, my cup holder broke and my computer is still under warranty, so I
would like to get it replaced.

TS: ummm cup holder?

Cust: yeah cup holder…

TS: ummm did you get it with a promotional offer?

Cust: no

TS: umm are you sure you got the right company?

Cust: yeah

TS: Ummm… i ‘m sorry if I sound confused, because I am.

Cust: well it�s square, and it�s on the front of the computer, and it comes
out when you press a button…

At this point the Tech support guy had to put the guy on hold so he could
finish laughing…

The guy had broken his CD-ROM drive, thinking it was a cup holder.

God Created Canada

On the 7th day instead of resting God decided to make the most beautiful country on the planet. He decided to bestow it with abundant wildlife – mountain sheep, grizzly bears, salmon and other unique and amazing creatures. As a backdrop God decided that some of the most majestic mountains, creeks and rivers are required. He then decided that this place should be called Canada and that the people inhabiting this area should be called Canadians and be the envy of all nations on the planet earth. At this point one of his angels asked “Don’t you think you are being a bit generous to these Canadians?” To which God replied “No, you should see the neighbours I am giving them”

Beso �rabe: Saliva va, saliva

Beso �rabe: Saliva va, saliva viene y con la lengua se entretiene.

Beso de monaguillo: Hasta tocar la campanilla.

Beso del mexicano: Hasta amanecer y con todo y gallo.

Beso de columpio: Con la baba colgando.

Beso de torero: Con oreja y rabo.

Beso de pajarito: De piquito a piquito.

Beso de tamal: Con todo y la carne adentro.

Beso de m�sico: De trompeta a trompeta.

Beso de la caja fuerte: Dos a la derecha… dos a la izquierda.

Beso de jaula: Con todo y p�jaro adentro.

Beso de tibur�n: Comi�ndose a los pescaditos.

Beso de microondas: Cuando te dejan caliente.

Beso de paleta: Chupar y chupar hasta llegar al palito. (O tambi�n, el que se da con todo y palo adentro).

International Marketing

International Marketing – Actual Accounts

Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn’t be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example…

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means “bite the wax tadpole” or “female horse stuffed with wax” depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, “ko-kou-ko-le,” which can be loosely translated as “happiness in the mouth.”

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” came out as “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead.”

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan “finger-lickin’ good” came out as “eat your fingers off.”

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, “Salem – Feeling Free,” got translated in the Japanese market into “Whensmoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty.”

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that “no va” means “it won’t go.” After the company figured out why it wasn’t selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for”tiny male genitals”. Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” However, the company’s mistakenly thought the spanish word “embarazar” meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that “It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of the desired “I Saw the Pope” in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed “I Saw the Potato.”

Chicken-man Frank Perdue’s slogan, “It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken,” got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained “It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused.”

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means “big breasts.” In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno mag.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan’s second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

and finally…

In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extoll the drink’s eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence, the slogan, “Orange juice. It gets your pecker up.”

The Ten Commandments

During his visit to the United Statesthe Pope met with President Clinton.
Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days.
Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.

The President was smiling and announced the summitwas a resounding
success. He said that he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they
discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House
to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked
tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his
meeting with the President was a failure. Incredulous, one reporter asked,
“But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a
great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed.”
Exasperated, the Pope answered, “Yes, but we were talking about the Ten
Commandments.”

Results of damage testing

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for
testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that
launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the
plane flies.

The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact,
it’ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British
were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new,
speedy locomotive they’re developing.

They borrowed the FAA’s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The
ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer’s chair,
broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine
cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if
everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: “Use a thawed
chicken.”

Putting Out

He says, “Come on, babe, let’s go in the alleyway and get it on. I’ve got fifteen bucks.”She says, “FIFTEEN bucks? You’re crazy. For fifteen bucks, I’ll let you LOOK at it.”They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can’t see anything, because it’s too dark, so he gets out his lighter.He lights his lighter, and he says, “My God, your pubic hair… it’s so curly and thick… it’s BEAUTIFUL.”She says, “Thank you.”He says, “You mind if I ask you a personal question?”She says, “Go ahead.”He says, “Can you PEE through all that hair?”She says, “Of course.”He says, “Well, you better start. You’re on fire.”