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Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.

Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed “I can’t break this! I need exact change.”

“Come on buddy.” Jack pleaded, “Can’t you give me a break, just this once?”
“Nope. Sorry. Exact change!” Answered the collector.

“While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, “Do you really like this job?”

“Well it’s not the best job that I’ve ever had, but it pays the bills,” replied the collector. “what do you do for a living?” he asked.

Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, “I’m a rectum stretcher.”

“A what?” asked the collector.
“A rectum stretcher.” Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance.

“What does a rectum stretcher do?” The collector asked.
“Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums.” Jack explained setting aside a nickle.

“Wow, is there much call for that kind of work?” The collector asked.
“Oh you’d be surprised. It’s real popular with the upper crust, the high society people, the jet set. It’s the new trend.” Jack said.

Pausing for a moment the collector then asked, “Well if you don’t mind me asking, I mean if it’s not too personal, how big do you, well you know…?”

“…How big do I stretch them?” Jack interupted. “Most of them, not too big,” He continued, “but I have stretched some up to six feet.”

“SIX FEET!” The collector exclaimed eyes wide, and jaw slack. “Six Feet. What is someone going to do with a six foot asshole?”

Jack, having counted out the exact change, handed the change to the collector. Looking him in the eye, Jack answered, “Oh, put it on a toll bridge collecting tolls.”

Estaban Romeo y Julieta en una noche muy rom�ntica con luna y en un lugar muy alejado y privado, y manten�an la siguiente conversaci�n:

Julieta: “Romeo, �no quisieras que coja tu miembro con mis manos y lo acaricie a �l y a tus bolitas, para que sientas placeres enormes?”

Romeo: “�C�mo se te ocurre, amada m�a! �C�mo vas a usar esas manos tan puras para algo as�? No, no, de ninguna manera.”

Julieta: “Romeo, amor m�o, �no quisieras que coja ese miembro tan varonil y lo ponga entre mis piernas o entre mis senos, y te haga llegar a niveles de placer jam�s alcanzados por humano alguno?”

Romeo: “�Jam�s!, nunca permitir�a que esas partes tan tuyas, tan blancas y sin mancha, puedan ser tocadas por esa parte tan sucia de mi cuerpo. No, due�a m�a, �jam�s!”

Julieta: “�Ay, amado m�o!, �no quisieras entonces introducir ese gran pedazo de carne tuya, dentro de mi boca y que con esto logre estremecer tu cuerpo y alma con tiernas y locas caricias?”

Romeo: “�Nunca jam�s!, no puedo pensarlo siquiera que mi miembro varonil toque esa boca tuya que solo dice hermosas frases y canta a viva voz tu amor por m�.”

Julieta: “Bueno Romeo, entonces vamos a tener que pensar en otra cosa, porque a m� ya me est� doliendo mucho el CULO!”

Yo’ mama so fat, that when you tell her to haul ass, she has to make 2 trips!

A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.

After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.

In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.

Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.

The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.

The first safe’s combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

‘Well,’ says one robber to another, ‘at least we get a bit to eat.’

They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.

Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding.

Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.

The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, ‘Australia’s largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.’

This other guy walks into confession and admits to the priest that he had
engaged in oral sex. The priest being quite new at this confession business
tells the man he doesn’ know what type of pennance to give him for his sin
so he’ll call the Holiness in Rome and ask him. The priest calls the Holiness
and asks what he normally gives for a blow job to which the Holiness replies,
“40,000 lyra”!