Author: admin

Male/Female Definitions!

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THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car’s hood.
male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger.”
male: what you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Anything that can be done while drinking

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.

Wine

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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor
of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” “Just
water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why do I smell
wine? The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s
done it again!”

Una hermosa princesa est� sentada

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Una hermosa princesa est� sentada en una piedra sobre el r�o, cuando de repente se le acerca una rana. La princesa, sorprendida, exclama:

“�Una ranita como en los cuentos!”

“As� es, como en los cuentos”, le responde la rana.

“O sea, que si te doy un beso, te conviertes en un hermoso y rico pr�ncipe”.

“�Un beso? �Eso era antes, a m� ahora, hay que mam�rmelo!”

Child beatng

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In the courtroom the judge is asking the little boy, “Do you want to live with your mother?” The little boy says, “No, she beats me.” The judge says, “Do you want to live with your father?” “No, he beats me too,” says the little boy. The judge scratches his head and says, “Ok, son, then who do you want to live with?” Without a moment’s hesitation the boy says loudly, “The Houston Astros, because they don’t beat anybody.”

Co-pilot

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Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower:

Helicopter Pilot: “Tower, I’m holding at 3000 feet over Heli-pad 1.”

Second voice: “NO! You can’t be doing that! I’m holding at 3000 over that pad!”

There was a brief moment of silence.

First voice again: “You idiot! You’re my co-pilot!”

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Edited by calamjo and yisman

Holy Water: The cure-all

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One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.

Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister’s room and yelled, “father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me … and he took a step forward”!

The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. “My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where’s this man now?”

The Choirboy replies…
“flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain”!