in a small town there lived 3 boys.teir names were john, greg,
and the smallest one with a squeaky voice,dan.they went to the
woods to hang out.it got dark and they couldn’t find their way
back.dan spotted a light and they thoughti was the town. as they
got nearer they saw it was a little house. they knocked on the
door. and an old lady answered.they told her what happened. she
felt bad for them and told them that they could eat dinner and
sleep the night at her house as long as they didn’t go in the
basement.as soon as the old lady fell asleep they tip toed down
to the basement.on the walls in picture frames there were
dicks.the old lady came in smiling.”i told you not to go here.
now i’m gonna have to cut yours of too.” she said. she went to
john and said asked him what his daddy did.”my dads a surgeon”
he said.so she took his of surgically. gregs dad was a butcher.
the old lady copped his of.she went to dan but to her surprise
he was laughin histerically.” what are you laghing about?” she
asked. well, he said, my daddy sells lollipops… i guess your
gonna have to suck mine of.
Author: admin
Don’t force it, get a
Don’t force it, get a larger hammer.
Sneezes
A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom…so the man stands up to let her out.
She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.
She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.
The man, a little tired of jumping up so often…asks her: “You keep sneezing, what’s the problem?”
The woman replies: “I have a rare condition…every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.”
He says, “Oh… what are you taking for it?”
She says: “Pepper.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Don Giovanni!Don Giovanni
Knock KnockWho’s there?Don Giovanni!Don Giovanni who?Don Giovanni talk to me!
Designated drunk
A COP WAS WATCHING THIS PARTICULAR BAR KNOWN FOR TROUBLE HOPING TO CATCH A
DRUNK DRIVER. HE WAITS A LONG WHILE BEFORE HE FINALLY SEES A GUY COMES OUT. THE
GUY STUMBLES OF THE TOP STEP AND FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE. HE GETS UP STAGGERS TO
A CAR, TRIES HIS KEYS FOR A WHILE BEFORE HE REALIZES IT�S THE WRONG CAR. HE
STAGGERS OVER TO ANOTHER CAR AND TRIES AGAIN UNTIL HE REALIZES IT�S THE WRONG
CAR. THIS GOES ON FOR THREE MORE CARS BEFORE HE FINALLY GETS THE RIGHT CAR, ALL
THE WHILE THE COP IS WITNESSING THIS. THE COP THINKS TO HIMSELF THAT HE IS GOING
TO THROW THE BOOK AT THIS GUY. THE GUY FUMBLES AROUND FOR A WHILE WITH THE KEYS,
IN THE MEANTIME EVERYONE COMES OUT OF THE BAR, GETS IN THEIR CARS AND LEAVE. THE
GUY FINALLY TURNS HIS CAR ON, AND PULLS OUT OF THE PARKING LOT WHERE THE COP
IMMEDIATELY PULLS THE GUY OVER. THE COP PULLS THE GUY OUT OF THE, PUTS THE
HANDCUFFS ON THE GUY, AND READS HIM HIS RIGHTS. THEN THE COP GIVES THE GUY A
BREATHALYZER TEST, BUT IT READS 0.00, AND THE COPS SAYS “HOW CAN THIS BE?, I SAW
YOU STUMBLE OUT OF THE BAR AND TRY YOUR KEYS IN SEVERAL CARS BEFORE YOU FOUND
YOURS, I KNOW YOUR DRUNK.” THE GUY REPLIES, “WELL TONIGHT OFFICER, I’M THE
DESIGNATED DRUNK�.
You’re a redneck … you ever parked a
You’re a redneck if…. You ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Polish Dogs
Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.
Class questions
A teacher asked, “All right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?”
Mary answered, “A chicken gives eggs!”
The teacher then asked, “Now who can tell me what a goat gives?”
And Paul answered, “A goat gives goat milk!”
And finally the teacher asked, “Well now, who can tell me what the cow gives?”
And Little Johnny replied, “Fucking homework and tests!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
Car Crash
There are these two gay men, named Syrel and Sessil, driving happily along in their car. As they came to an intersection, they stopped for the red light.
All of a sudden a big semi-trailer comes crunching through the back of their car!
Syrel and Sessil were really pissed!
Syrel says to Sessil to get out of the car to tell off the truck driver.
So Sessil gets out of the car and approaches the truck driver, who apparently is one huge mother trucker (tattoos and all)!
“You bloody idiot! Look at what you’ve done to our beloved car!”, exclaims Sessil. “You’re going to pay for this damage you know!”
“Suck my dick!”, shouts the truck driver.
This prompted Sessil to go back to his car, to discuss the situation with Syrel.
“I think he wants to settle out of court, Syrel.”
�C�mo se relacionan las matem�ticas
�C�mo se relacionan las matem�ticas con el sexo?
Se unen un 1� y un 2�…
Para formar un 3�, en un 4�…
Para romper un 5�.
Duck Hunter
A duck hunter is out one day having no luck. He hunts the whole morning and couldn’t get a single kill. On the way home he comes up to a farm house and flying over the barnyard is a big flock of fat mallards.
Seeing his last chance for success, he takes aim at what looked like the biggest duck in the flock and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and landed in the middle of a barnyard.
As the hunter nears the barnyard and the dead duck, he sees he’s got himself a beauty. But when he is a mere 20 paces from the duck, a farmer steps out of the barn, picks up the duck and heads for the house.
“Hey!” said the hunter, “Come back with my duck!”
“Your duck?” says the farmer, “It was lying dead in my barnyard; it’s MY duck.”
“No! No! You don’t understand!, shouts the hunter, “I shot it and it just happened to fall here. It’s mine!”
“Okay, city fella. We’ll settle this the country way,” says the farmer.
“Country way? What’s that?” says the hunter.
“We take turns hitting each other as hard as we can,” says the farmer. “Last man standing wins the duck…. That is, unless you’re Yella.”
“Of course I’m not yellow,” says the hunter.
“Fine. Country way it is,” says the farmer. “Since we’re on my property, I’ll go first.”
With that, the farmer takes a half step back, steadies himself, and kicks the hunter square in the groin as hard as he can. The hunter gasps, screams like an animal, falls on the ground, curls up in a knot, turns 3 shades of purple, and nearly pass out.
After a full half hour and with considerable difficulty, the hunter straightens up, gasps again, and in a high strained voice says, “Now… my… turn!
The farmer reply: “Nah, I give up. Here’s your duck.”
Soap operas are fictional
Q: How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
A: In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.