* He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.* He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.* He does not have a fabulous rear end; he has achieved Buttocks Perfection.* He is not stupid; he suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.* He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.* He is not balding; he is in Follicle Regression.* You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.* He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.* His jeans are not too tight; he is Anatomically Under circulated.* He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically Related American.* You do not kiss him; you become Facial Conjoined.* He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generational Differential Relationships.* He does not get falling down drunk; he becomes Accidentally Horizontal.* He does not act like a total ass; he develops a Case Of Rectal Cranial Inversion.* He is not short – he is Anatomically Compact.* He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion.* He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a Vehicular Addiction.* He does not have a hot body; he is Physically Combustible.* He is not unsophisticated; he is Socially Malformed.* He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from Reverse Bulimia.* He does not hog the blankets; he is Thermally Unappreciative.* He is not a sex machine; he is Romantically Automated.* He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy.* You do not undress him with your eyes; you have an Introspective Pornographic Moment.* He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged.
Author: admin
Rejection
Q: How do you know when you have been rejected by everyone?
A: When you are masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
How Do You Like That?
A woman goes to the hospital, and her doctor gives her a sonogram. He sees the
baby and suddenly the baby says, �Are you my daddy?� The doctor is shocked and
goes to get another doctor, who looks at the sonogram. The baby says again, �Are
you my daddy?� The doctor says, �No, I’m not your father.�
They go to get the dad, the father looks at his baby boy and the baby asked,
�Are you my daddy?� And the father says, �Yes, I am!� So, the baby pops out of
the mother’s womb, picks up his hand, and starts poking the father in the head
while saying, �How do you like that?! How do you like that?!�
Reading the old guy’s age
An old lady walks up to an old man in an old age home.She says, “If you drop your pants I’ll bet I can tell your age.”So, the man drops his pants.”Your 83″ she says.”Your right! But how could you tell I was 83 just by looking at me without pants on?” he asks.”Easy,” She says, “You told me yesterday.”
All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from a Cow
1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.
2. Don’t cry over spilled milk.
3. When chewing your cud, remember: There’s no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!
4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.
5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.
6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!
7. It’s better to be seen and not herd.
8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
9. Never take any bull from anybody.
10. Always let them know who’s the bossy.
11. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.
12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.
13. Don’t forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.
Q: How many research
Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but it’ll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.
11-Jul
What do you call Monica Luinske’s Lips?
7-11 ,Because they never close.
New school inspector
A very new and nervous school inspector was being shown ’round a very rough school.
Just as the tour of inspection was coming to an end, the principal asked him if he’d mind saying a few words of advice to a class of unruly 16 year olds, who were going to leave school at the end of term.
The principal managed to get the kids to be quiet, introduced them to the inspector and told them that he was going to say a few words to them.
The poor man was totally nonplussed by the sight of unwelcoming faces staring at him, but he took a deep breath and began: “When y-y-y-you were in-in-infants I’m sure you enjoyed your in-in-infancy.”
“As ch-ch-children I’m sure you enjoyed y-y-y-your ch-ch-childhood.”
“I c-c-c-can see that you are enjoying your a-a-a-a-adolescence and I h-h-hope that w-w-when you leave school and become adults, you will enjoy your adultery.”
Submitted by Frodo
Edited by Yisman
Gerrold’s Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
Gerrold’s Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.
Chicken on the Football Field
Why did the chicken run onto the football field?
Because the umpire called a foul.
Rude jokes
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAN WHO FELL FROM THE SKY HE FELL WITH A FUD.
BY.PHILIP GALLAGHER ABERDEEN
Vasectomy
Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.”What was it about?” asked Mary.”He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills.” “Well what is the problem with that?” “He had a vasectomy two years ago!”