what do you call a deer wit no eyez?…i hav no eye deer!!
what do you call a deer wit no eyez or legs?…i still hav no eye deer!!
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what do you call a deer wit no eyez?…i hav no eye deer!!
what do you call a deer wit no eyez or legs?…i still hav no eye deer!!
THE PERFECT DAY THE PERFECT DAY ACCORDING TO HER
8:45 WAKE UP TO HUGS AND KISSES
9:00 3 KILOS LIGHTER ON THE SCALES
9:30 LIGHT BREAKFAST
11:00 SUNBATHE
12:30 LUNCH WITH BEST FRIEND AT OUTDOOR CAFE
1:45 SHOPPING
2:20 RUN INTO BOYFRIENDS/HUSBANDS EX NOTICE SHE HAS GAINED 20LBS
3:00 FACIAL,MASSAGE,NAP
7:30 CANDELIGHT DINNER FOR TWO AND DANCING
10:00 MAKE LOVE
11:30 PILLOW TALK IN HIS BIG STRONG ARMS
THE PERFECT DAY ACCORDING TO HIM
10:00 WAKE UP
10:02 ORAL SEX
10:10 BIG COOKED BREAKFAST
11:30 DRIVE UP THE COAST IN FERRARI WITH GORGEOUS BABE WITH BIG HOOTERS
2:15 ENORMOUS LUNCH
3:15 ORAL SEX WITH GORGEOUS BABE WITH BIG HOOTERS
3:25 PLAY SPORTS WITH THE GUYS
4:30 DRINK BEER WITH THE GUYS
6:30 MEET ELLE MACPHERSON
6:40 ORAL SEX WITH ELLE MACPHERSON
6:50 HUGE DINNER, MORE BEER
8:00 USE ALL COMPONENTS OF HOME ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM MAKING SURE ALL THE REMOTES WORK
11:00 FULL ON, GET DOWN, GORILLA SEX WITH EITHER ELLE MACPHERSON, GORGEOUS BABE WITH BIG HOOTERS OR BOTH
11:10 SLEEP
When do men get horny?
When they look in the mirror
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
Was it your Child? A parent? Who may I ask, lies in that grave?”
The mourner answered, “My wife’s first husband! … Why did you die? Why did you die?”
There were 3 dogs in a cage at a dog pound and they were discussing why
they were in there. One dog said that he was being put to sleep beacause
he drank out of the toilet. Another dog was being put to sleep beacause he
tore up the newspaper. The third dog said he was in there because his
owner dropped her towel and went to pick it up and he couldn’t resist and
started humping her. The other dogs said that they understood why he was
being put to sleep. But the dog said, “I’m not being put to sleep, I’m
getting my nails trimmed!”
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense all wanted to go to Oz, to visit the Wizard of Oz. Bill looked at Al and asked him why he wanted to go. Al said that he needed a brain, and Bill agreed with him. Then, Bill asked the Secretary of Defense why he wanted to go, and he said that he needed a heart. Bill also agreed with him. Then both looked at Bill and asked him why he was going. He answered, “I’m looking for Dorothy!”
Yo Mama is So Fat, When People Yell Koolaide She Comes Crashing Through The Wall.
In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were a
brunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy.
The second race was the Breast Stroke…the order of finish was:
The brunette came in first, the redhead second,… “but wait”, where was
the blonde??? She was still racing!
When she got to the finish line…she said ” THEY CHEATED!!”
The Judge said “how??”
The dumb blonde screamed…”THEY USED THEIR ARMS!”
A woman walked into a police station and went up to the reception desk.
“I’ve just been raped” she complained to the desk sergeant.
The sergeant took down her personal details and then asked her, “Did you
get a look at your assailant Miss ?”.
“I sure did. He was a New Zealand cricketer” she replied.
“How do you know he was a cricketer ?” asked the sergeant.
“Well he was dressed all in white. White shirt, pants and shoes” replied the woman.
“Could he possibly have been an outdoor bowler Miss, as they also wear white clothing ?” questioned the sergeant.
“No, he was definitely a cricketer. He still had his pads on” came her
reply.
“OK, so he’s a cricketer. How do you know he’s a New Zealand cricketer?”
asked the sergeant.
Woman replied, “Well he had to be, he wasn’t in for long !!!”
It took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
she got a peep hole in a glass door.
you asked what’s for dinner, she put her feet on the table and said corn!
she went to the drug store and asked for marijuana
she told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read
she thought an aspiration was butt sweat.
that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
she looks at a can of juice for days ’cause it says concentrate
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company
she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl
you have to dig for her IQ!
she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
she tripped over a cordless phone and got ran over by a parked car!
she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
she took a cup to see Juice.
she sold the car for gas money.
she ran into an automatic sliding door.
she tried to drown a fish.
she asked you “What is the number for 911”
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”
she got stabbed in a shoot out.
she stole free bread.
she took a spoon to the superbowl.
she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
she thought an elevator was a mobile home.
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
she jumped out the window and went up.
she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”
she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
she thought gangrene was another golf course
she couldn’t read an audio book.
it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi! Hitler”
it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.
She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said “Disneyworld Left” so she went home.
she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said “guess” so she said levi’s
that she sold potato chips on the corner and said free lays.
she thought Forrest Gump was a national park.
when she walked into Walgreens her dumb ass said, “These walls ain’t green!!”
she tried to commit suicide by jumping in front of a parked car.
she thought Manual Labor was the president of Mexico.
she put a quarter in a parking meter and she yelled “were’s my gumball.”
that when she looked in the mirror, she said stop copying me!
she thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet.
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out all the W’s.
she brought toilet paper to a crap game.
she asked for a price check at the $.99 store
she waited four hours for a 24 hour store to open.
she walked into an antique store and said what’s new!
she locked herself in the bathroom and peed her pants.
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is
that Barbie in the window�, he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for
$19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95,
Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and
Divorced Barbie for $395.00. ”
The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?
� That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s
house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture… “
What do a bungee jump and hooker have in common?They’re both fast, cheap, and if the rubber breaks your dead!