Author: admin

One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to his youngest daughter. Yelling “You son of a bitch!” he shot the amorous salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun.

The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a doctor. He found one, but the physician took one look at the man’s perforated pecker and told him that nothing could be

done for him.

“Oh, please do something,” begged the salesman. “I’m a rich man and can pay you anything.”

“Sorry, son,” said the doctor. “There’s nothing I can do. However, there’s a man across the street who might be able to help.”

“Oh? Is he a specialist?” asked the salesman.

“No,” said the doctor, “he’s a piccolo player. He’ll teach you how to hold it without pissing in your face.”

Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom. “Suzie wants to go out to my car. She’s really hot,” one boy said. “I’m really nervous. I know I’ll goof up!”

“Take it easy,” his friend assured him. “All you gotta do is compliment her. Chicks love to be complemented. You’ll have her in the palm of your hand.”

About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye.

“Shit, man! What happened to you?!” his buddy asked.

“I took your advice.”

“Didn’t you compliment her?”

“Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After a while I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breasts they sure were firm. She like that too.”

“It sounds like you were doing great,” his friend said.

“Well,” the other answered, “that’s when everything went wrong. I got her dress up and her panties off, and I paid her another compliment.” “What did you say?” “For such a large snatch, it sure doesn’t stink much.”

10. Neighbours describing him as “a quiet loner.”9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, “You’re going to die up there, fat man!”8. Can’t stop washing his paws.7. Colourful eggs now filled with Prozac.6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a “suicide egg.”4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.3. Won’t come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.2. He’s hippity-hopped up on crack.1. Keeps rubbing his own feet for good luck.

Un d�a por la ma�ana, un hombre decide ir a buscar caracoles, tras convencer finalmente a su mujer prometi�ndole que no llegar� tarde.

Cuando est� en camino, se encuentra a un viejo amigo que le invita a tomar unas copas y recordar viejos buenos tiempos. Con la distracci�n, el tipo se olvida de ir a buscar caracoles, y se pasa todo el d�a y la noche de fiesta con su amigote. Cuando se acuerda, ya por la ma�ana del d�a siguiente, se pone nervioso por la preocupaci�n y la bronca que le echar� su mujer.

Entonces, va a una tienda y compra un bote de caracoles y se va para casa. Cuando llega a la puerta de su casa, esparce los caracoles por el suelo, pica al timbre y cuando abre la mujer, el sujeto ordena a los caracoles:

“Venga, va, que ya llegamos…”

A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, “Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?”

The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop, answered, “Uh, yes, Ma’am. We do.”

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, “D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?”

“Well, yes Ma’am, we do. We have several that size.” Forming a 5″ circle with her fingers, she then asked, “A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?”

“Well… Yes ma’am a few of them are about that big.”

“D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?”

“Yes, Ma’am, one of them does.”

“W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?”