It was a fact that LBJ would, on occasion, personally call military offices and demand special favors. At one such time, he is said to have called TBS (The Basic School) at Marine Corps Base, Quantico, VA and the conversation went like this (jsut remember, you’re reading this on the Internet…): TBS: Good afternoon, this is The Basic School. How can I help you? LBJ: This is President Johnson. We’re having a state dinner here at the White House next Saturday. I want you to send out two lieutenants to be escorts for my daughters. TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Is that all? LBJ: I want them in their dress uniforms, tall and good looking. TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Two tall, good looking lieutenants, dress uniforms, next Saturday evening. Is there anything else? LBJ: (Remember, LBJ was an old time democrat and Texan). Yeah, don’t send any damn’ Mexicans! TBS: No sir, Mr.President, no damn Mexicans. Will there be anything else? LBJ: No, that’s all. Saturday evening came and two tall, good looking Marine lieutenants showed up at the White House, resplendent in their dress uniforms. They were promptly ushered in to meet Mrs. Johnson and introduced themselves as being there as escorts for her daughters.She acknowledged their presence but said, “But you’re both black. There must be some mistake!”One lieutenant replied: “I don’t believe that’s possible, Ma’am. Captain Rodriguez NEVER makes mistakes!
Author: admin
George W. Bush became very hungry
George W. Bush became very hungry between photo-op-stops, so he ordered his
limo to take him to a Jack-in-the-box drive-thru. The limo pulled up far enough
forward so that George, himself could place his own order. He said “I’ll have a
Big Mac, fries, and a shake.” He began to roll his window up, but stopped
half-way, rolled it back down and shouted “…and by the way, that’s to go!”
Computer modelers simulate it first….
Computer modelers simulate it first.
Lunch
A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! Downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go…Two bulls eyes!!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize… grabs a turtle from the bar’s terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass… The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn’t know what to give, and he asks the drunk ” Say, what did you win the last time?”
And the drunk responds “A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!”
The “think positive” leader tends
The “think positive” leader tends to listen to his subordinate’s premonitions only during the postmortems.
Man Who Loved Baked Beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, she’ll never go through with the
marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his
birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way
home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he
felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed
somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most
wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She put a
blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the
table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was
beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again
made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she
went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was
not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about
him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he
tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon
winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top
of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if
he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not
peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, “SURPRISE!!!”
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
Xdnhxfhxfztgnh
d jijjyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyjfgghfgncghbdjkgjtjkjdgjhfghjghjfgjfghjfghjfghjfghjghjhjghjhnghj
Married Employees
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are week, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied.
“It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
En la Ciudad de M�xico
En la Ciudad de M�xico un tipo es llevado a la Delegaci�n por haber derribado un �rbol mientras manejaba bien borracho.
“Quince d�as de c�rcel y 10,000 pesos de multa”, dice el juez.
“Pero se�or juez, dice el borracho, ni que hubiera yo tumbado el �rbol de la noche triste donde llor� Col�n, cuando lo vencieron los Aztecas.”
Y le responde el juez:
“�Ah, c�mo ser� usted pendejo! �Col�n no llor� ni cuando le quemaron los pies!”
Sex Therapy
Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis.
To her joy, everything got much better.
However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes.
This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.
There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique:
“She’s not my wife… She’s not my wife… She’s not my wife…”
La madre se estaba ba�ando
La madre se estaba ba�ando y sale en pelotas de la ba�era; el nene justo pasaba por ah� y la vio y le dijo:
“�Mam�! �que ten�s ah�?”
Y la madre le dice:
“Son dos globos, y estos el d�a que me muera me ayudan a elevarme a los cielos para ir con Dios.”
Al d�a siguiente llega el padre de trabajar y el nene le dice llorando:
“�Pap�, pap�, mam� se est� muriendo ayudala, ayudala!”
“�Por qu� hijo? �Qu� pas� por Dios?”
“Porque hay un hombre que le est� inflando los globos y mam� gritaba: �AY DIOS, ME VOY, ME VOYYY, AYYY!”
what a pity it was closed
I’ve just come back from the beauty parlor,
what a pity it was closed.