Author: admin

Duck Huntin

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A man was out duck hunting when a cop came drove by and asked him for his ID.
Okay said the hunter.

The cop then grabbed one of the ducks, stuck his finger up the ducks ass, and asked him if he had a liscence to own a California duck.

The man showed him the liscence.

The cop took another ducks ass and shoved his finger up it. He asked the hunter if he had a liscence to hunt Florida duck.

The man showed him his liscence.

The cop finally took the last duck, shoved his finger up the duck’s butt and asked him if he had a liscence to hunt Louisiana duck.

The man showed him the liscence.

The cop calmed down and started to relax. “So, where u from?” the cop asked.

The man bent over. “You tell me,” he said.

Understanding Men

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Men, summed up: The nice men are ugly.The handsome men are not nice.The handsome and nice men are gay.The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.The handsome men without money are after our money.The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.NOW … WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Squeezing my balls

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This guy is sitting in a bar drunk, he asks the bartender where’s the bathroom at?

The bartender said, go down the hall & make a right. Well, all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this loud scream and wonders what is going on in the bathroom.

A few minutes go by again and everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the bathroom again.

This time the bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. He opened the door and asked the drunk, “What’s all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away.”

The drunk said, “I’m sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”

With that, the bartender opens up the door and looks in and says, “No wonder, you’re sitting on a mop bucket!!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent,…

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Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened
upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome
prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One Kiss from you and I will
turn back into a prince and we can marry, move into the castle with my mother,
and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever
feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herselfand
thought, “I don’t FUCKING think so!”

Parking Space

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The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot.

The young driver jumped out and said: “Sorry Pops, but you’ve got to be young and smart to do that.”

The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing until the Rolls had crunched the sports car into a crumpled heap.

“Sorry son, you’ve got to be old and rich to do that!”

Cowboy Gets 3 Wishes

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A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of Indians. The Indians were all prepared to kill him when the chief announced that due to the celebration of the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he would die.

“What do you want for your first wish?” asks the chief.

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy.

He goes over to his horse and whispers in its ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed.

About an hour later, the horse comes back with a naked lady on its back.

Well, the Indians are very impressed, so they let the cowboy use one of their teepees.

A little while later, the cowboy stumbles out of the teepee, tucking in his shirt. “What do you want for your second wish?” says the chief.

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. Again, the cowboy whispers in the horses ear. The horse neighs, rears back, and takes off at full speed.

About an hour later, the horse comes back with another naked lady on its back.

Well, the Indians are very impressed indeed. So, once again, they let the cowboy use one of their teepees. The cowboy stumbles out a little while later, and the chief asks the cowboy “What do you want for your last wish?”

“I wanna talk to mah horse!” says the cowboy. He grabs the horse by the ears and yells, “You stupid animal, I said POSSE, POSSE!!!!”