What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.
Author: admin
Solar Eclipse
Yo mama so fat,
She caused a solar eclipse.
smart girls
Whats the smartest thing that’s ever came from a female’s mouth? einstien’s cock.
Dr’s visit
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
“Which one?” I asked.
“The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see… Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
One Armed Judo
There was a 10 year old boy, who’s left arm was damaged in an accident and subsequently amputated. He decided to learn judo. His Sensei (teacher) was an old Chinese judo expert. The boy learned quickly. After three months, he had learned only one move. He asked his teacher to teach him more moves. The Sensei told him that this was all he would need.Soon after, the boy entered a tournament, where he quickly advanced to the finals, where his opponent was bigger and more experienced. The boy seemed very out matched. After a long match, the opponent seemed to loose concentration. Quickly the boy took advantage and pinned what seemed to be his superior opponent. On the ride home, the boy asked his Sensei.”How could I win with only one move?”The Sensei replied, “You have nearly mastered one of the most difficult moves in all of judo. And, the only defence against that move, is for your opponent to grab your left arm.”
Chemist’s fast prayer
Chemist’s fast prayer:Dear Lord, if I mix sodiumwith concentrated HNO3,and add to it Plutonium,would you take care on me?
JFK Jr.
JFK Jr.’s Last Words:
1. “NO! Not that button!”
2. “I wish I hadn’t bought this plane from John Denver!”
3. “Carolyn….your sister is a much better in bed than you’ll
ever be.”
4. “I dropped my cigarette – it didn’t roll over toward the gas
cap, did it?”
5. “Geez. We almost hit that duck!”
6. “Ya know, we really should visit the family cemetery this
year.”
7. “If you had wings, dear, you’d be an angel.”
8. “Do you remember the last time we met Princess Di?”
9. “Hmmm… I guess that I shouldn’t have made fun of our first
president after all”
______________________________________________________________
The Following are the three main causes of death in the USA
Today:
1. Cancer
2. Heart disease
3. Being a member of the Kennedy family.
______________________________________________________________
Goodbye JFK
(to the tune of… what else?… Candle In The Wind by Elton
John)
Goodbye, JFK,
May you sink beneath the blue
You were the face that graced the tabloids
at the checkstand on aisle two.
You bored us all to madness
With your wife and your career,
Now you feed the little fishies
And the crabs nest in your ears.
And it seems to me you flew your last,
Like a Kennedy in the Wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in!
And your aircraft, did it fall here?
Anong New England krill?
Our interest burned out long before
Your family ever will!
A Kennedy we’ve lost
But they’ve already got s dozen more
And your family’s mausoleum
Comes with a revolving door!
For another deader loaded in
And even though we try
We cannot but feign interest
As the press parade goes by.
So good bye, JFK,
a kid who watched your Dad get whacked!
And then your uncle, after him,
You’re another blue-blood kacked.
So it seems to me you flew your last
Like a Kennedy in the wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in.
Va un homosexual empujando un
Va un homosexual empujando un choche cuesta arriba, jadeando del esfuerzo, cuando a un lado de �l pasa un cami�n de materiales de construcci�n y le dice:
“Si quiere se lo empujo.”
A lo que el homosexual contesta:
“�Bueno! �Y qu� hacemos con el coche?”
The Last One’s Law Of
The Last One’s Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more “buggy” than the program generator.
Ghetto Yard Sales
Why do white people go to yard sales in the ghetto?
To get there shit back!
All Lawyers are Assh
A guy in a bar stands up and says, “All lawyers are assholes.”Another guy stands up and says “Hey…I resent that…”The first guy says, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”The second guy says, “No. I’m an asshole.”
Constant Complaint
Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, “We’ve been married ten years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food.”
The other woman said, “That’s awful. Doesn’t it bother you?”
The first one replied, “Oh, no. Not in the slightest.”
“You must be a saint!” commented the second.
To which, the first woman replied, “Why should I object? A lot of people don’t like their own cooking.”