Q: Why don’t blondes double their recipes?
A: The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.
Author: admin
The Smart Dog
Some rednecks were sitting around talking about how smart their dogs were. One redneck spoke up and said, “I’ll tell you what boys, I house trained my hound dog Jake when he was just a pup. When he pooped on the floor, I would stick his nose in it and throw him out the door.””Now,” he continued, “when he poops on the floor, he sticks his own nose in it and jumps out the window.”
Blonde joke
There were three female explorers who decided that they would go explore the African jungle together. One blonde, one brunnette and one redhead.
They were near the middle of the jungle when a rare african tribe surrounded them. The tribe said that the gods have sent them evil things and the explorers shall be poo head destroyed. The tribe was going to shoot them with a bow and arrow in the not head one at a time.
First they were going to shoot at the brunnette. She stepped up and they called 1-2-3 but before they could shoot she yelled TORNADO and everyone ducked and lay down on the ground and the brunnette ran way while they ducked. The tribe got mad and swore but did not go after her.
Then the redneck stepped up and they aimed and yelled 1-2-3.. but before they could shoot she screeched FLOOD and everyone jumped and climbed up the nearest tree. The redhead took advantage and ran away. They got really mad and swore but did not go after her.
They didn’t like people yelling fake incidents. Then the blonde stepped up and she thought that yelling a mother nature disaster was a good idea. They yelled 1-2-3 and the blonde yelled FIRE!
Crotchless panties
One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.
She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. “Come over here baby.” she says smiling.
The boyfriend backs off, “If your pussy can do that to your panties – I ain’t going any where near it!”
Some comedy about mother in laws…
Some comedy about mother in laws…NOT NECESSARILY THE TRUTH:
* Betty just got back from a pleasure trip, she took her mother-in-law to the
airport.
* Why do mother in laws sit in the back seat of the car? To give the rear
tires more traction.
* One day a wife complained, “This wall clock almost killed my mother today.
If fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.” The husband grunted and
replied, “The darn clock always was slow.”
* Larry’s mother-in-law sleeps with her glasses on. The better to see her
son-in-law suffer in her dreams.
* A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in h*ll.
* Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take
your pick?
Son-in-law: No thanks. I’ll just use the hammer.
* The ultimate in mixed emotions – watching your mother-in-law drive over a
cliff in your brand new Mercedes.
Paiting Attire
It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit
my friend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but
sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas.
Susie had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of
hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. I thought she
might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and
some sandwiches.
When I arrived, I found Susie working hard painting the kitchen
walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her
fur coat and her ski parka. I asked her why she was dressed that
way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told
me to read the instructions. I did.
It said, “For best results, put on two coats.”
Airplane Crash
There was a lawyer, a cop, a docter, an old man and a boy. All on an airplane headed to Hawaii. All of a sudden it starts getting stormy, and lightning strikes the left wing of the airplane. So the airplane is going to crash, and the problem is, is that there is only 4 parachutes. So the docter grabs a parachute and says I need to save people!. then he jumps out of the airplane. Then the cop grabs a parachute and says I need to rescue people!. Then he jumps out of the airplane. So then the lawyer grabs a parachute and says No one cares about you two! and jumps out of the airplane. Then the old man says Come here boy. So the boy goes over to him. The old man then says Child take the last parachute for yourself. The boy then says Its ok you can… the old man cuts him off and says Just take it. Its ok, Its my time to die anyway. The boy then says No you dont understand, we can both live!. The surprized old man says How?. Then the boy replies That asshole lawyer just grabbed my backpack!
Lesser Of Two Evils
Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the
cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the “lesser of two
weevils.”
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Old couple
This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lies on the bed but the
old woman lies on the floor. The old man asks, ��why are you going to sleep on
the floor?”
The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
Cannibals
There were three men who were lost in the forest.
They were then captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial.
First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.”
The king then explains the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten.”
The first apple went in.. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so the savages fell upon him and devoured him.
The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself ,that this should be easy. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… on the ninth berry he suddenly burst out in laughter.
Summarily he was rended limb from limb and eaten.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?”
The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it.. I looked up and saw that the third guy coming with an armload of watermelons.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Two for 1
a blonde and a brunette jump off a bilding witch one lands first the brunrtte cause the blonde stops to ask for directions