how do you fit a elephent in a gum machien at kroger?
take the k out of kroger and take the f out of way.
theres no f in way
Author: admin
The cowboy and the coffin
Once upon a time, a cowboy that was supposed to be the bravest cowboy in the west walked into a saloon. Some men near him, start talking, and finally walk up to him and ask him to prove that he really is the bravest cowboy in the west.The cowboy agreed and asked what he had to do. Then the men told him that there was a haunted coffin upstairs, and if he could overcome the coffin, he would surely be the bravest cowboy in the west.As the cowboy reached the top of the stairs, he saw the coffin coming near him. This was way too much for him to handle. He ran out of the saloon and jumped on his horse. After he had gotten a good distance from the saloon, he looked back and to his astonishment, the coffin was floating in the air coming straight towards him.Soon the cowboy and his horse were surrounded by a tall canyon. The cowboy jumped off of his horse and ran towards one of the canyon walls, with the coffin floating even faster towards him. He tried to climb up the canyon’s wall, but it was just too high. He turned to look at the coffin coming closer and closer. He knew this was going to be it. Just then, as he thought there was no hope, and the coffin was so close he could touch it, he took out a package of cough drops, and the coffin’ stopped!
Software Upgrade
A replacement of old bugs with new bugs.
Naming Jesus
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.”Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed.Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”
From Our Cook Book…………
How to prepare toilet paper………….Just brown it and throw it in the pot!!
What's The Diffe
What’s the difference between a nymphomaniac, a hooker and a wife ?The nympho says “You’re done already?” The hooker says “Are you done yet?” And the wife says “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Golf Joke
Suggestions for Guys Golfing or Using A Public Bathroom:
Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
Form a loose grip.
Keep your head down.
Avoid a quick backswing.
Stay out of the water.
Try not to hit anyone.
If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
Don’t stand directly in front of others.
Quiet please!… while others are preparing to go.
Don’t take extra strokes.
The College Food Chain
The College Food Chain:
The Dean
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
The Department Head
Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Talks with God.
Professor
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if a special request is honored.
Associate Professor
Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
Assistant Professor
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Treads water. Talks to animals.
Instructor
Climbs walls continually. Rides the rails. Plays Russian Roulette. Walks on thin ice. Prays a lot.
Graduate Student
Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat with a life jacket. Talks to walls.
Undergraduate Student
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings. Says “Look at the choo-choo”. Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to themselves.
Department Secretary
Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in their teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. they ARE God.
Out With The Boys
A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: “When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife’s panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she’ll never mention that you were out late with the boys.”
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife’s panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he’d be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the toliet.
“How did you get in here so fast?” he asked.
“Shhhhh!!!” she replied, “you’ll wake-up my mother!”
Empire status rudey
WHAT DO YOU CALL A MILLION BLACK PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING?
PUBES
I WEIGH 10 STONES SO WHAT DOES A PAKI WEIGH?
SWEETS
Yo mama is so stupid
Yo mama so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Helpful voice
A woman is hurrying along a sidewalk when she hears a voice.. “Stop! Don’t take another step!”The woman freezes, and notices that with one more step she would have fallen into an uncovered manhole.She moves on somewhat shaken and ready to step down the sidewalk to cross the street when she hears the voice again: “Stop! Don’t do it!!” She stops, petrified, and a second later a big truck rushes by out of control. She leans against a lamp post to compose herself when she hears the voice again, this time quite relaxed.”I am your guardian angel,” says the voice, “I assume you might have a question or two to ask me.””Just one,” answers the woman. “Where were you on my wedding day???!!! “