Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress
(reading her name tag)?
A: “‘Debbie’. . . that’s cute. What did you name the other one?”
Author: admin
the chicken
what did the baby chicken say when a hen laid an orange?
look at the orange marmalade.
Definitions
if you look in the dictionary there are loads of definitions for
things and if you noices they are all way out1 here are the REAL
definitons for the following words!
Adolecense: the period in one’s life between puberty and
adultery.
Adults: people who have stopped growing up and started growing
out.
Catacomb: a comb for a cat.
Dogma: the mother of puppies.
Myth: an unmarried female with a lisp.
Octopus: an eight-sided cat.
Stastican: a person who if you stick your feet in an oven and
your head in a refrigorator will tell you that, on average you
are very comfortable.
Have fun!
Never play leapfrog with a
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
A drunk guy
this 1 guy walked into a bar and told the bartender to give him a beer the bar tender said no your to drunk come back tomarrow. So he walked out and walked to the side door and said give me a beer no your to drunk. so he walked to the back door and the same guy anserd and said no. dam how many bars do you work at
International Summit in Paris.
Scenario: International Summit in Paris.
Those attending: Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo (Mexican
President)
The waiter asked, ” Le apperitive?”
All of them answered, “Oui!”
The waiter looked at Zedillo, “Le tequila?”
Zedillo: “Oui!”
The waiter looked at Yeltsin, “Le vodka?”
Yeltsin: “oui!”
Finally, the waiter looked at Clinton, ” Le whisky?”
Clinton: “Don’t you dare mention that bitch!”
The Top 15 Signs You’re Staying at a NASCAR Hotel
15> Nightly turn-down service includes a little tin of Skoal left on your pillow.
14> For every night you stay, your sister stays with you free.
13> The sports bar has a Jeff Gordon dart board.
12> Potpourri in the bathroom smells of scorched tires.
11> The Bible in your night stand has illustrations of all the begetting.
10> The hallways are full of rednecks on lawn chairs with coolers.
9> For religious guests, a statuette of a haloed Dale Earnhardt is provided in every room.
8> A team of eight maids gets your room cleaned in 13 seconds flat — while you’re still in bed.
7> Some guy who’s missing a few teeth keeps screaming at you to scrub harder while you’re in the shower.
6> The “VRROOOMM service” menu? Nothin’ but biscuits ‘n’ gravy.
5> Pick-up lines in the cocktail lounge usually include the term “pole sitter.”
4> The “Magic Fingers” bed vibrates about 10 times too fast, drowns out anything less than a shout and occasionally rolls over and bursts into flames.
3> The mini-bar is stocked with pork rinds, Velveeta, Slim Jims and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
2> “Here’s your room key, sir. To get to your suite, go to the end of the hall and turn left, then left again, then take a left, then….”
1> When newlyweds consummate their marriage in the honeymoon suite, a checkered flag drops from the ceiling and they’re expected to do a victory lap in the lobby.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a Lawyer. . .
A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer’s house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, ”I’m humble, I will sleep in the barn.” So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It’s the Hindu and he says, ”There is a cow in the barn. It’s against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.” So, the Rabbi says, ”I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.” A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it’s the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn. So, the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. It’s the pig and the cow…
“I’m helping him exercise to lose weight!&quo
A kid goes into his mom�s room and finds her jumping vigorously on top of his
dad. He asks:
“What are you doing to dad, mom?”
She says:
“I’m helping him exercise to lose weight!”
“Oh mom, that is worthless you jump on top of him to make him skinnier and our
neighbor comes in everyday when you leave and blows him back up with her
mouth.”
Drunk nuns
These two nuns walk into a liquor store one evening just before closing time.
they select a cheap bottle of brandy from the shelf and attempt to check out
when the clerk begins hesitating.
“excuse me sisters”, he says shyly, “but i don’t normally sell alcoholic
beverages to nuns.”
it’s perfectly okay they reassured the clerk,” this is strictly for medicinal
purposes.”
“very well” said the clerk, “that will be $6.50”
the nuns thanked him and were on their way.
about twenty minutes later, as the clerk is locking the front door, he notices
the two nuns staggering down the street, obviously drunk.
he approaches the two and in a very stern voice says “i am ashamed of you two!
you lied to me and told me that the brandy i sold you was for medicinal
purposes only, and just look at you now!”
to this the nuns replied “don’t feel bad kind sir, we did not lie to you.
you see the mother superior has been constipated lately and when she sees us,
she is going to s***!”
Thanks for the refill.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: “It’s OK Daddy, I’m not hurt.”
Fun with Newspeak
Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.Here’s a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.East Coast West Coastabsolutely not maybeyes maybeaction item by Feb 12 for joe Joe’s working on the problembozo subcontractorbrawl design reviewignore him, he’s new I’m bringing him up to speedlocal bar offsite facilitymeet me in the parking lot let’s take that discussion offlineoh shit thanks for bringing that to my attentionoverdesigned robustpunch his lights out constructive confrontationshut the fuck up thank you for your inputshut up a minute let me share this with youthat’s totally incompetent let me build on that pointunemployed consultingfollow the spec is there a spec?get out of my office let’s get concensus on this onehe’s a jerk he’s not signed on to our planhe’s a subordinate he’s a team playerI’ll cover your ass consider me your resourceover budget on scheduleunder budget we haven’t started yetwe finished early (no translation available)we’re done how do you feel about that?what’s your problem? I certainly understand your feelingswhere’s the spec? what’s a spec?where’s the schedule? what’s the game plan?your plan sucks let me share my feelings on this plandictator facilitatordo it and do it now can you sign up for this program?do it right or you’re fired I’m confident you’ll get it donefuck off trust me