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Gold joke

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Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold , the floor was gold , the roof was gold , the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.

They were shown to there rooms by a maid , she had golden hair , golden dress , golden tights , golden shoes , golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.

The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds , golden pillows , golden windows, golden toothbrushes , golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .

They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps , golden mirrors , golden tiles and a golden toilet.

They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls , golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks , golden spoons and a golden table cloth.

Theh golden maids came in and asked if they would like cerial or poridge for breakfast , while the men talked about how plush the place was.

The first man asked for poridge , as did the second third and forth , the fith asked for cerial.

and ladies and gentialmen this proves that 4 in 5 men prefur poridge!

Pianist

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A man walks into a bar and sees a guy sitting on a barstool drinking a beer and watching a miniature man playing a piano on the bar in front of him. Bewildered, the man asked him where did he get his little friend. The guy said that there was a genie outside the back door granting wishes, so he goes out back and sure enough, there was a genie. He walks up to the genie and says I wish for a thousand bucks. The genie said, “Granted.” The man walks back into the bar and there were ducks flying everywhere. He goes back up to the man at the bar and says “That genie must be deaf, I asked for a thousand bucks, not a thousand ducks.” The man replied, “What did you think I asked for, a twelve inch pianist?”

Un hombre quer�a una mascota

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Un hombre quer�a una mascota que pudiera hacer de todo y va a una tienda especializada a comprarla. El due�o de la tienda le sugiere que compre un cienpi�s.

“�Un cienpi�s?” dice el hombre, “no puedo imaginarme a un cienpi�s haciendo de todo, pero bueno… Tratar� con un cienpi�s.”

El tipo se lleva al cienpi�s a casa y le dice, “Limpia la cocina.”

Treinta minutos despu�s �la cocina est� inmaculada! Los platos limpios y secos, los aparatos el�ctricos brillantes, el piso encerado. El hombre est� realmente asombrado y decide probar de nuevo, as� que dice: “Limpia la sala.”

Veinte minutos m�s tarde la sala est� completamente limpia y en orden.

Por �ltimo el hombre dice al cienpi�s: “Ve a la esquina y traeme el peri�dico.”

El cienpi�s abre la puerta y sale a la calle. Pasa media hora, una hora, dos horas… y el cienpi�s no regresa. El hombre se pregunta que est� pasando y abre la puerta de la casa… y all� est� sentado el cienpi�s.

El hombre dice, “�Oye! Te envi� hace dos horas a la esquina a traerme el peri�dico. �Qu� es lo que pasa?”

Y el cienpi�s le responde, “�Ya voy! �Ya voy! �Me estoy poniendo los zapatos!”

MS Antitrust Changes

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The Top 13 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges13 Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.12 Follow-up release to ‘IE4’ now being referred to internally as ‘IE,5-10, with time off for good behavior.’11 Before devouring competitors, must now say: ‘pretty please with jam on top’ 10 Cancellation of planned ad campaign: ‘You’ll think what we TELL you to think!’ 9 Company United Way contributions redirected towards the ‘Let’s Buy The US Government’ fund. 8 Plans quietly tabled to begin marketing: MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter 7 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates’s office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Piranhas beneath trap door get some lunch. 6 Bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines which read. ‘I don’t break for software companies’ 5 Internal memos no longer refer to Janet Reno as ‘liquor addled she-male.’ 4 Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up. 3 Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge buttwads of cash. 2 Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they’re lulled, club ’em to death like a baby seal. 1 Tables turned in jail, where Bill Gates has no choice but to have ‘Big Louie’s Inmate Explorer’ installed against *his* will.

Money from Minsk

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The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.

“Can I help you?” the madam asked.
“I want Natalie,” the old man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else…”
“No, I must see Natalie.”

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts… it was still $1,000.

Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.

Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row… where are you from?”

The old man replied, “I am from Minsk.”
“Really?” replied Natalie, “I have a sister who lives there.”
“Yes; I know,” said the old man. “She gave me $3,000 to give to you.”