Una pareja se casa y

Una pareja se casa y al llegar al lecho de amor, el marido pesca a la mujer y comienza a darle. La primera noche le hizo el amor treinta y cuatro veces; la segunda otras treinta y cuatro y as� diariamente hasta que termin� el primer mes de casados. La mujer, afligida, le cuenta el problema a su madre:

“�Mam�, Fernando me lo hace a cada rato, donde me pilla practica el coito: en la cocina, en el ba�o, en el auto!”

La madre, luego de escuchar a la hija, recomienda:

“Hija, esta noche, cuando Fernando llegue del trabajo, dile que te ha llegado tu periodo y que no podr� hacerte el amor. Eso te dar� un descanso de una semana por lo menos”.

Siguiendo el consejo, la mujer espera al marido en la noche, qui�n lleg� concupiscente.

“�Fernando, detente, esta vez no podremos hacer nada: estoy en mi periodo!”

El tipo se viste y se va al living. Cuando regresa, llega con una botella de champagne y unas copas. La mujer, extra�ada, le pregunta que qu� celebran. Con una sonrisa de oreja a oreja, el marido contesta:

“La semana del culo”.

West Virginia Jokes

– A West Virginia State Trooper pulls over a pick-up on I-77. He
says to the driver “Got any ID?” the driver says, “Bout what?”

– Did you hear about the $3,000,000 West Virginia State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

– Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Charleston, WV
burned down? Yep. Pert near took out the whole trailer park.

– What’s the best thing to come out of West Virginia? I-64.

– Why don’t W.V.U. football teams have ice on the sidelines? The
guy with the recipe graduated.

– How many W.V.U. freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None, its a second year course.

– How do you get a W.V.U. graduate off of your porch? Pay him
for the Pizza.

– The W.V.U. football team was placed in a remedial English
class. The professor asked the class, “Does anyone know what
comes after a sentence?” All of the players raised their hands.
“The appeal,” they shouted with Mountaineer pride.

In an elevator…

When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream ‘that’s mine’.

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, ‘Did you feel that?’

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, ‘It’s okay, don’t panic, they open again.’

Call out ‘group hug’, and then enforce it.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Lipstick

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.