Q: What’s the Iraqi military’s motto?
A: I came, I saw, Iran
Author: admin
The young priest
One afternoon the old catholic priest was teaching a younger priest how to do confessions. The young priest was not comfortable doing it and had no clue what he was doing. The older priest told the young priest “you are on your own for a minute I have to use the restroom.” The young priest replied “but i do not know what I am doing I will screw it up!” The older priest told the younger priest he has a cheat sheet in the confesion room so he has no worries. The younger priest told him ok just hurry up. After a few moment a young man came in and confessed to cheating on his wife. The young priest looks on the cheat sheet and find adultry and tell the young man to do 100 hail marys and he will be forgiven. After a moment later a young women came in and said that she gave her had sex with her boyfriend. The young priest looks on the cheat sheet and finds premarital sex and tell the young women to say 75 hail marys and she will be forgiven. A minute later a teenage girl came in and confessed that she gave her boyfriend a blow-job. The priest looked on the cheat sheet and could not find any thing that had to do with oral sex. Panicing he told the teenage to hold on and ran out of the room and found the nearest candle boy. The young priest runs up to the young man and askes “What does the head priest usually give for a blow job?” The young candle boy replies “Oh about five dollars and a candy bar.”
The Top 16 Rejected Names for Gated Communities
16> Thunderbird Estates
15> Dot Commons
14> Belly Acres
13> Downwind Chalupa Manor
12> Rich Olde Whitehaven
11> Tim Meadows
10> Snobschwitz
9> Tartar Crest
8> The Runs
7> Foxworthy Mobile Estates
6> Hoffa’s End
5> Old Indian Burial Ground Acres
4> Burning Stream
3> Run Forest Run
2> Boxer Trails
1> Morningwood
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
IRA WARNING
An Irishman arrives at the gates of heaven where he is
confronted by St. Peter.
“What have you been doing while you were down there?” asks St.
Peter
“I was in the IRA” answered the Irishman.
“Oh well you can’t come in here,” St. Peter says
“I’m not trying to get in,” says the Irishman. “I’m giving you
all four minutes to get the fuck out.”
Boy & Grandpa
A Little Boy Comes Running Into The Room and Says, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can You Make A Sound Like A Frog?”
The Grandpa says, “I Don’t Know, Why?”
The Little Boy Says, “Because Grandma Says As Soon As You Croak, We Can Go To Disneyland!”
Suture self
Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up
and demands to know what is going on. “I’m about to close,” the surgeon says.
The patient grabs his hand and says, “Oh, no you’re not! I’ll close my own
incision.” The doctor hands him the needle and says, “Suture self.”
A blonde and a brunette were watching the…
A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story
was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a
commercial.
Brunette: I bet you $20 he’s going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(back to newscast)
He jumps.
Blonde: OK. Here’s my $20.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can’t take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same story on the 6:00 news
and knew he jumped. So it wasn’t really a fair bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn’t think he would be stupid enough to jump
twice.
Buckle Up
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.”All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
Two nuns were driving their
Two nuns were driving their car through Transylvania when suddenly Count
Dracula lands on the car, snarling.
“Quick show him your cross!” Said one of the nuns.
The second nun replied, “Get off the God damn car!!”
View
What is the only bad thing about the ’69’ position?
The view.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
How many Italians does it take to screw in…
How many Italians does it take to screw in the light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, two to shoot the witnesses
Una ma�ana, una rubia encantadora
Una ma�ana, una rubia encantadora llama a su novio muy alterada:
“Tienes que venir a ayudarme. �Tengo un rompecabezas y no soy capaz ni de empezar!”
“�Qu� clase de rompecabezas?”
“Seg�n la foto de la caja, es un tigre.”
Como a �l se le dan muy bien los rompecabezas, decide pasarse a echarle una mano. Entra y se acerca a la mesa donde est�n todas las piezas dispersas, al lado de la caja. Mira las piezas, luego la caja y se vuelve hacia ella:
“Bueno, para empezar, lo siento mucho, pero no veo c�mo unir estas piezas para formar el tigre. Y segundo, te aconsejo que te relajes, te tomes un caf� y despu�s metas las Zucaritas de Kellogs en su caja…”