“So you’re a feminist… Isn’t that cute.”
Author: admin
Black Magic!
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most… “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
“Nah… let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!”
American Indian
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and
went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped
his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten
smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian approached him and said,
“Now listen buddy, if you don’t stop calling me that I’ll smash your face in!”
midget in distress
a midget lady goes to the doctor and says, doc, i don’t know what is wrong but my crotch area is getting so sore that i cant hardly walk anymore. the doctor said OK lay down on the table here and I’ll see what i can do. the doctor examined her and got his knife and cut on something for a little bit, and finally said OK stand up and walk a cross the room and back. The midget lady walked a cross the room and back, and she said hey my crotch don’t hurt anymore, what did you do doc? The doctor said, I just cut about an inch off the top of your boots.
Legal Laughs
A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the secretary. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the paralegal. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Prostitute and Nymph
Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, “Aren’t you done yet?”
The nympho says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige. . . I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Eskimo Peeping Tom
What do you call an Eskimo Peeping Tom?
Tommy Took A Look.
Wwe
What Do You Call A Fish With No Eyes? Fsh
Software Upgrade
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a slow down in the overall performance,
particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that
had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. and now
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3
to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Desperate
********************************************
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package,while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to
enter the command: C:/I THOUGH! T YOU LOVED ME and download
Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.If all works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. Whatever you do, DO
NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband
1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech! Support
Vow of Silence!
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He’s allowed to say only
two words every 7 years.
After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words.
“Cold floors,” he says.
They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2
words.
He clears his throat and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away.
7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words.
“I quit,” he says.
“That’s not surprising,” the elders say…
“You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here!”
n helic�ptero volaba sobre Seattle
n helic�ptero volaba sobre Seattle cuando una falla el�ctrica inhabilit� todo el equipo de navegaci�n y comunicaciones electr�nico. Debido a las nubes y la contaminaci�n, el piloto no pod�a saber la posici�n y el curso del helic�ptero para dirigirse al aeropuerto.
El piloto vio un edificio elevado, vol� hacia �l, escribi� unas palabras en una hoja de papel y la puso contra la ventana del helic�ptero. La nota dec�a: “�D�nde estoy?” en grandes letras. La gente que estaba en el edificio respondi� r�pidamente, con otra nota sobre la ventana, que dec�a: “Est�s en un helic�ptero”.
El piloto sonri�, salud� con la mano, vio su mapa, determin� el curso al aeropuerto y aterriz� a salvo. Cuando ya estaban en tierra, el copiloto le pregunt� al piloto, c�mo le hab�a ayudado la nota de “Est�s en un helic�ptero” a determinar su posici�n.
El piloto respondi�:
“Yo sab�a que ese ten�a que ser el edificio de Microsoft porque la respuesta que me dieron era t�cnicamente correcta pero completamente in�til.”
Yo mamma so stupid
your mammas so stupid she saw a light s out sign so she did.