Just 72 hours after President Bush met with Crown Prince Abdullah and held his hand, oil prices fell to under $50 a barrel.
Boy, imagine if President Bush had let him get to second base — we’d be paying like a buck-ten a gallon now.
Author: admin
Toe curler!
This couple have just met in a bar, really hit it off and gone back to her place to have wild, passionate sex.
After they have finished he lies back with a smug look on his face, “I guess that was just about the best sex you have ever had,” he says.
“What makes you say that?” asks the woman.
“Well, every time we did it, I couldn’t help notice how it made your toes curl,” he explains.
“Oh,” says the woman, “that was just because most men wait to take off my pantyhose first.”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Minutes in the Army
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. “All right, ladies, think about this,” bellowed the drill instructor.
“If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?”
Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. “My recruiter.”
Old Scottish man
A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.
Old Man:
“Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it’s built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands, piled it for months. But do they call me McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..”
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
“Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin’ back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGregor-the-Bar-builder?
Nooo…”
Then the old man points out the window.
“Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo… ”
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention.
“But ya fuck one sheep . . . “
Flea Collar
Your mama’s so dirty, she has to wear turtleneck shirts to cover up her
flea collar.
Good Girl or Nice girl?
What is the difference between a good girl and a nice girl?A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed. A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.
Bad Car Day
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ”What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked. The man responded, ”I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.” At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, ”Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smart aleck when he’s drunk.” This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, ”I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.” At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked ”Are we over the border yet?”
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
The Flood
One night a torrential downpour soaked South Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there.
Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.
Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all the way back to the house. It kept floating out, then back, out and back.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, “Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house and then back again?”
Mrs. Boudreaux said, “Oh yes, that’s my husband. I told him he was going to cut the grass today, come Hell or High Water!!”
Right to Be Dumb
Everyone has the right to be dumb, but you are abusing the privilege.
Why Coffee is Better than Women
1. You don’t have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste
good.
2. Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream in it.
3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
4. You won’t fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
5. You can always warm coffee up.
6. Coffee comes with endless refills.
7. Coffee is cheaper.
8. You won’t get arrested for ordering coffee at AM.
9. Coffee never runs out.
10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
15. Coffee smells and tastes good.
16. You don’t have to put vinegar in your coffee.
17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
18. You can always get fresh coffee.
19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it’ll be hot
when you get back.
20. They sell coffee at police stations.
21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
22. Coffee goes down easier.
23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on
weight.
24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of
coffee.
25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn’t matter.
26. Your coffee doesn’t talk to you.
27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
28. Coffee is good when it’s cold too.
29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30. Coffee doesn’t care when you dunk things in it.
31. Coffee doesn’t care what kind of mood you’re in.
32. Coffee doesn’t shed.
33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34. You can’t get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in
it.
35. Coffee doesn’t mind being ground.
36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
37. Coffee doesn’t have a time of the month… it’s good all the
time.
38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39. When you have a coffee, you don’t end up with a pubic in the
back of your throat.
40. Coffee doesn’t take up half your bed.
41. Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at AM and decide to have
a cup.
42. INSTANT COFFEE!
43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.
45. Your coffee won’t be jealous of a larger cup.
Volcano
Change the text in your 3D Text screensaver to “volcano” (without the
quotes) and your screensaver will display different volcano names.