A highly anal-retentive woman was shopping in a furniture store for a new mattress. As she bent over to examine the seventeenth mattress she had considered, she suddenly cut a horrendous fart.”Excuse me,” she said, embarrassed, to the clerk who was helping her.”Hey, I’m used to it, lady,” he said. “When you see the price on that one, you’ll shit!”
Author: admin
The man from bangoo
there once was a man from bangoo,
who fell asleep in a canoo,
he had a dream about venus,
and played with his penis,
and woke up with a hand full of goo!
How many Generals/Politicians does it take…
How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild
civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
dancing
Three sisters from Nottingham, Jill, Marie and Fanny, were always on the look out for new boy friends. They hung around all local Disco’s. however, their dancing skills were hampered by having enormous feet. Jill’s were size 8, Marie’s size 10, and Fanny’s a whopping size 12. One night Jill and Marie decide to leave Fanny behind, and go to the disco on their own, hoping they might be more successful. Sure enough, within minutes they were dancing withtwo eligible lads. All was going well, until they were walking home as foursome.”Hey up, i’ve just noticed something thing.” said one of the lads.”Haven’t you two got big feet?” Marie responded: “Huh, if you think they are big, you should see the size of our Fanny’s.”
How does a blonde pa
How does a blonde part their hair? By doing the splits.
Darn kids
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip.
They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, “My God! It’s already 3 p.m., I’m about to miss my train!” She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.
At this moment, the son-in-law’s daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, “Don’t hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Well Hung
How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Cow on heat
Little Jonny did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said “Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull”.
“How disgusting” said the teacher “I am sure your father could have done that”
“No ma’m, he couldn’t have” said the little sod “It has to be the Bull”.
Clean up in Room One
a guy walks into a bar/hotel and slaps fifty cents on the counter. The man says” I want the dirtiest whore you have in here, one who wont complain about the way i do my things.” The man smiles at the desk and says” I think i have just the thing for you.
The man at the counter smiles and tell him to go into room one, the last door on the right.
The man quickly made his way to the room and opened the door. Like the man said the woman was ready and willing to go with no questions asked.
The man quickly took off his cloths and started doing his thing. A few minutes later somthing catches the mans eye.
Semin was begining to pour out of this womans body from everywhere. The man quickly jumps off the woman and runs to the counter butt naked.
The man at the counter says ” is there a problem sir. The other man replies ” yes sir there’s a problem the woman im doing has semin coming out of every body part imaginable.
The man at the counter told him to wait just a minute and he could quickly take care of it. He reaches beneath the counter and dials a number on the phone. A man answers and says may i help you? The man at the counter quickly replies clean up in room one the Dead ones full.
Engineering students
Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey! Nice bike! Where did you get it?”
“Well,” replied the other, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rode up on this bike. She jumped off, took off all of her clothes, and said, ‘You can have ANYTHING you want!!'”
“Good choice,” said the first, “her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
Two [ethnics] are out fishing,
Two [ethnics] are out fishing, and having a great day. As fast as
they put a hook into the water, a fish bites, and they reel it in.
As sunset approaches they decide to mark the spot, so they can come
back again.
The first [ethnic] thinks a bit and then paints a big “X” on the bottom
of their boat.
The second [ethnic] says “You idiot! what if we get a different bat next
time?”
Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure
that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but
Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was
Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but
Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that
Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could
have done!