who wears pink pokerdoted boxers and has too many affaifs
bill clinton
Author: admin
Untitled joke
How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Three Stages of Life
1) You believe in Santa Claus2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus3) You are Santa Claus
Un profesor de matem�ticas quiere
Un profesor de matem�ticas quiere hacerles un chiste malo a sus alumnos:
“Chicos, aqu� les va un problema: un avi�n sale de Amsterdam con una velocidad de 400 Km/h; la presi�n es de 1.004,5 hectopascales; la humedad relativa es del 66% y la temperatura es de 20,4 grados cent�grados. La tripulaci�n est� compuesta por cinco personas; la capacidad para los pasajeros es de 45 asientos; el ba�o est� ocupado y hay cinco azafatas (pero una est� en huelga). La pregunta es: �cu�ntos a�os tengo?”
Los peque�os se miran asombrados. El silencio pod�a cortarse con un cuchillo. Entonces Pepito, desde el fondo del sal�n y sin levantar la mano, dice de pronto:
“44 a�os, profesor”.
El profe, muy sorprendido, lo mira y exclama:
“Es cierto, tengo 44 a�os, pero �c�mo adivinaste?”
“Lo que pasa es que tengo un primo de 22 a�os que es medio huev�n (est�pido)”.
GOD’s New Commandment!
NEWS FLASH – GOD ANNOUNCES THE 11TH COMMANDMENT!
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:
“Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.”
Mixed football jokes
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham’s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet. The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out “Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup.” Snow White says “Well at least Dopey’s alive!” Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.”Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!””The cups man! Save the cups!” cries George.”Uh, the fire hasn’t spread to the canteen yet, sir.” Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they’d rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it’s like to ride on an open-top bus. Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today.”I’ll do anything for 3 points”, he said when questioned. The Nottingham Forest Chairman is considering replacing Big Ron with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said “we don’t just need points now, we need snookers!” British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
Innocent until proven stupid
After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, “Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?””Yes, we have, your honor,” The foreman responded.”Would you please pass it to me,” The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, “Please read your verdict to the court.””We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery,” stated the foreman.The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.The man’s attorney turns to his client and asks, “So, what do you think about that?”The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face, turns to his attorney and asks, “Well, does that mean I can keep the money, or do I have to give it back?”
Fire
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Fire.
Fire who?
Fire don’t worry just a burner.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Felix!Felix who?Felix-cited all
Knock KnockWho’s there?Felix!Felix who?Felix-cited all over!
BUXTON, N.C. A man died
BUXTON, N.C. A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the
Outer Banks used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. You
just wouldn’t believe the outpouring of concern, people digging with their
hands, using pails from kids,” Dare County Sheriff Bert Austin said.
Toilet Poker
What’s the Tidy Bowl Man’s favorite hand in poker?
A straight flush.
100,000 Miles
A blonde is trying to sell her car, but with no luck, for her
car has been through 100,000 Miles. One day a passing brunnete
helps her. She says, “If you really want to sell your car” she
says, handing the blonde a piece of paper “Then go to this
address, it’s a car repair shop. Tell the guy I sent you and get
him to turn the miles on your car back to 50,000 miles. That
should make it easier to sell.”
Well, a week after that, the brunnete saw the blonde driving in
the same car. “Didn’t you sell the car?” she asked the blonde.
She replied, “Why should I? The car only has 50,000 miles on it.”