Hilary is at a pet store and is looking or a talking parrot. She noticed one that was much cheaper then the rest. She asks the store “Why is this parrot so much cheaper then the rest.” The store owner replies “That one was at a whore house and has dirty language.” So Hilary takes buys this one thinking she can teach it better language. She then takes it to the oval office and the bird says “New house new madam.” Hilary gets frustrated and walks out Then Chelsea comes in and the bird says “New house new Whore.” so Chelsea gets mad and storms out. Then Mr. Clinton comes in and the bird says “Hey Bill.”
Author: admin
A wise farmer never milks
A wise farmer never milks a bull.
7 Dwarfs
The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
‘Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?’
‘No, Dopey,’ responds the Pontiff, ‘there are not.’
‘Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?’ Dopey questions.
‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope chuckles, ‘there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.’
‘Mr Pope,’ Dopey asks pleadingly, ‘are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?’
‘No, Dopey,’ the Pope says sadly, ‘there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.’
And softly in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start chanting, ‘Dopey f***ed a penguin, Dopey f***ed a penguin.’
Husband shop
Recently a “Husband Shopping Centre” opened in Booragoon, where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.
The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands…
First floor. The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they went.
Second floor. The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what’s further up?
Third floor. This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there’s more further up! And up they went.
Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!” So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please!”
Editted by Curtis and Calamjo
An IBM acronym
IBM: Infinitly Better Macintosh
To Kill a Blonde
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
canadians
At this school the teacher asked the kids to stand up if you are
canadian. One girl didnt stand up so the teacher asked why arnt
you standig up and she said both of my parents are American.The
teacher said just because your mom and dad our American doesnt
mean that you are what if your parents were mourons what would
you be. Canadian.
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?A: To see what was on the other side.
I’ll use my seeing eye dog
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, “Pardon me. May I help you with something.”The blind man says, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”
You’re So Poor
You’re so poor you’re always talking about the time you almost ate at a
restaurant!
Executive Envelopes
Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes….#1,#2,#3. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” the departing CEO said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”
Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press — and Wall Street — responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”
The number twelve goes to a bar
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.”Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.”Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.”You’re under 18,” replies the barman.