Author: admin

So, Who’s Workin’?

Posted on by admin

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. And since we KNOW they don’t do a d***** thing, this leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces (i.e. let’s soak up more tax dollars while we play “Doom”), which leaves 15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you’re sitting there reading humor funnies.

No wonder I’m tired; I’m the doing ALL of the work myself!

African roulette

Posted on by admin

The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with the Russians before kicking them out.

“They built us a power plant, an airport, and taught us how to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”

The ambassador looked pained and said, “Russian roulette is a dangerous game.” “Right, that’s why we invented African roulette; would you like to play?”

“I’m not sure, how does it work?” The African clapped his hands and six gorgeous black women, all nude, came wiggling in. “Choose the one you want to give you oral sex.”

“That’s a lot better and less risky than Russian roulette…”

“Not when one of them is a cannibal.”

THE BROOM

Posted on by admin

A little boy was afraid of dark. One night his mother told him to go out to
the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out
there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. You don’t have to be afraid of the
dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect
you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure
he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere and he is always ready to help you when you
need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door
and cracked it a little.
Peering out into the darkness, he called, “Jesus? If you’re out there, would
you please hand me the broom?”

14 inches

Posted on by admin

A big Texan ambles into a Dallas men’s room and does a double-take at the little guy standing at the next urinal. He’s holding his “snake” with two hands and smiling.The Texan asks “How long is that snake fella?””14 inches.””Is that 14 inches soft?””Yes.””Well how long is it when it’s hard?”The little guy answers proudly, “I don’t know – it takes so much blood, I faint!”

How to be cheap

Posted on by admin

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, a father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

The son thought for a minute and then replied, “Oh, about $15 I think.”

“Well,” said the father, “I’m proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening.”

“To be honest dad,” the son went on, “we’d have spent more, but that was all the money she had.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Bonja Bonja

Posted on by admin

Three men were hiking through the jungle. All of a sudden a tribe of natives surrounded them, kidnapped them and hauled them to their village. Bound, they were brought before the chief, and the entire village. The chief stood up and said: “you each have the choice death or bonja bonja, if you choose bonja, bonja you will live”.
Man number one thought to himself well I don’t want to die, I just got married. So he chose bonja, bonja. The chief smiled. The entire male half of the tribe ran up and bum rushed him. Man number one, although barely able to walk, surrvived.

Man number two, although horrified, thought to himself I can’t die, I just won the lottery and have every opportunity in the world, and look man number one survived. So boldly he declared “I choose bonja, bonja!”. Once again all the males ran up behind him and had their way. In tears man number two hobbled away, in pain but alive.

It is now man number three’s turn, he is puking in complete disgust and thinking to himself no WAY, not me. Anything but that, even death would be better than that!

He turns looks the cheif straight in the eye and says “I choose death!”

The chief chuckles to himself and says”

Alright DEATH………..BY BONJA, BONJA!

Loud And Rowdy

Posted on by admin

A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet.

“Is this where Frank lives?” one of the drunks asked.

“Yes, it is,” the woman replied.

“Well then,” said the drunk, “Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?”

Cold Mold

Posted on by admin

If you want to trick some one just keep saying old or cold and they will either say mold,hold,sold or any thing that rhymes with cold,but it has to be a real word.Then when you think you’ve said cold enough for them to keep saying any word that rhymes with cold say orange or purple.They should say whatever they were saying,if they are dumb enough.