the sad life of a penis
– Only have 1 eye
– hair is a mess
– skin is wrinkly
– relatives are nuts
– neighbors an ass holl and
best friends a cunt.
Author: admin
Ape Face
Last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20…
From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):
Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.
“Give a man a fire
“Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s
warm for the rest of his life.”
– Terry Pratchett
Get Me Another Lawyer
Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant’s motion?
Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor. I wasn’t listening.
Pongan cuidado a esta estadistica.
Pongan cuidado a esta estadistica.
a) En Jap�n se consumen muy pocas grasas y el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en ese pa�s es menor que en Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
b) Por otro lado, en Francia se consumen bastantes grasas y aun as�, el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en ese pa�s es menor al de Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
c) En la India apenas se bebe vino tinto y el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en ese pa�s es menor que en Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
d) En Espa�a se bebe demasiado vino tinto y el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en este pa�s es menor que en Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
f) En Argelia apenas se hace el amor y el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en ese pa�s es menor que en Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
g) En Brasil se hace mucho el amor y el �ndice de ataques al coraz�n en este pa�s es menor que en Inglaterra y Estados Unidos.
CONCLUSI�N: Beba, coma y haga el amor sin parar, lo que mata es hablar ingl�s.
telling a woman
Once, a redneck asked me : “what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?””what?””Nothing – you’ve already told her TWICE!!!”
Library Book
The scrawny young miss with train-track braces on her teeth and an overly large retainer was hanging near the library’s information desk as if she wanted to ask a question, but was afraid to. Finally, the librarian smiled at the shy lil’ girl and said, “Is there something I can help you find ?””Well…” she blushed.”would you know if you have a current copy of ‘Scouting for Boys’ ?”
Milk
A young medical student is given his final examination on human reproduction. After reading Question 1; ‘Give five reason why a mother’s milk is better than a cows milk for a newborn baby?’; he recalled four and quickly wrote them down in his exam book. 1. a mother’s milk is more nutritious; it contains better balance of fats, carbohydrates and proteins for the newborn;2. a mothers milk contains a mix of vitamins that more closely aligns to a human baby’s needs. 3. a mothers milk contains immunological agents that will help the newborn fight bacteria, viruses and other infections.4. breast feeding is more nurturing and better developmentally for the child. Stumped, frustrated and running out of time, he searched his mind for a fifth reason. After pondering the question for an agonizing five minutes, he quickly scribbled a fifth response.5. the milk is delivered in a warm and ‘really cute’ cup.He got an ‘A’ on the exam.
Payback
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”
“ONE CENT – that’s awesome!” exclaimed the guy.
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?”
“Certainly, sir, “replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money.”
“How much money?” inquires the guy.
“4 cents,” replies the bartender.
“FOUR cents!” exclaims the guy… “Where’s the Guy who owns this place?”
The bartender replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”
The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
The bartender replies… “Same as I’m doing to his business!”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by calamjo
Over Exertion
An 85 year old man, marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites. She is concerned that the old fellow could over exert himself.
After the festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action.
They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night. After a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling, which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more. Once again they do the horizontal boogie.
As they’re laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, “I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one.”
The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, �Have I already been here this evening?”
Don’t force it, get a
Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer.