Author: admin

I understand that drugstores often end up selling the ‘Extra large’ box of condoms (because, naturally every guy considers himself ‘extra large’). Of course, the only thing ‘Extra Large’ is the QUANTITY of the condoms, not the physical size of each condom…

Ah, yes divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. – Roseanne

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!” – Dave Barry

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. – Jay Leno

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women’s breasts? – Jay Leno

We have women in the military, but they don’t put us in the front lines. They don’t know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, “You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.” – Elayne Boosler

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller

There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So, what’s the problem? – Jay Leno

When the sun comes up, I have morals again. – Elayne Boosler

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.” – Jerry Seinfeld

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. – George Carlin

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – Lewis Grizzard

The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job.

But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. – Jeff Foxworthy

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. – Robin Williams

Joe dies and goes to heaven, where upon entering the pearly
gates, he sees his neighbor and friend Kent.

“Hey Joe!” exclaims Kent. “I’m surprised to see you here!”

“Yeah, me too!” replies Joe. “So I guess we’re both dead, huh!
Say Kent, how did you die?”

Kent replies, “I died of hypothermia. How about you?”

“Well,” starts Joe, “I was sure that my wife was cheating on me,
so I rushed home from work, barged in the door and while yelling
at her, I tore the house up searching for a lover. After I
failed to find anyone there, I was so ashamed and heartbroken to
have put my wife through my rantings, that I had a heart attack
and died.”

“That’s too bad,” says Kent. “If you had looked in the deep
freeze, then maybe we’d both still be alive.”