1. select Bait
2. select hole
3. pull out big rod
4. cast rod in
5. go upstream not down
6. pay for bait when finished
7. leave with chatch
Author: admin
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore’s life?A: Grade six.
The Bald Man
A bald man with one leg wanted to go to a fancy dress party but he didn’t know
what to go as. He wrote to a fancy dress company and asked for a recommendation.
The reply came back saying that he could go as a monk because of his bald head.
He replied angrily saying that they were just being rude about his bald head.
The company apologized and wrote back saying that he could go as a pirate, his
bald head could be covered by the hat and his wooden leg would complement the
outfit. He replied angrily saying they were just being rude about his wooden
leg.
A few days later he received a parcel with a note. In the parcel was a pot of
sticky toffee and the note said smear the toffee over your head, stick your
wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple!
Three Nuns
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, “We don’t want to be nuns anymore; how do we quit?”
The mother told them, “Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours.”
So the nuns left, each of them thinking, “What can I do that’s unholy?”
The next day they went to the mother one at a time.
The mother said to the first nun, “What unholy thing did you do?”
And the nun said “I stole a kid’s bike.”
The mother said, “I guess that will do, go drink some holy water.”
When the nun did, she was no longer a nun and she left the convent.
The second nun walked in and the mother said, “What unholy thing did you do?”
The nun replied, “I slept with a married man!”
The mother said, “Well, that’s sinning. Go drink holy water.”
The third nun walked in and the mother said, “What unholy thing did you do?”
The third nun said proudly, “I pissed in the holy water!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Why married women get heavy.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed, and they go to the fridge.
Statistical one-liner
A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.
The Male Handbook
1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it
acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true
male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for
emergencies, i.e. when some portion of your body is on fire.
2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself
crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some
ammo.
3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the
emergency listed in Rule 1.
4. Refuse to talk about the relationship. Get uptight whenever
she mentions “love” or “commitment.”
5. Leave your boxers on the dining room table. Several pairs.
Pretend they aren’t there for as long as you can.
6. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you’ve known her,
when you’re with your friends.
7. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it’s real. Attempt to get
tickets to the matches.
8. Scratch yourself in front of them. Watch them squirm.
9. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you
couldn’t possibly call any of your female friends, even if it’s
local.
10. Never compliment a girl, unless it’s behind her back about
the size of her, um…
11. Be early for everything (before the girl is even out of the
shower) or don’t show up at all.
12. Tell your girlfriend she doesn’t kiss as well as your ex.
13. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match
with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but
neglect to tell your significant other until the day before.
When she starts crying, offer to take her along. When she kicks
you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch
wrestling. Tell them she just has PMS.
14. Tell your girlfriend every dirty joke you can think of —
you know how she loves them!
15. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how
red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are. Expect her to be
grateful that you’re staying with her.
16. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets
injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the
emergency room.
17. Tell her, in detail, about all the girls that hit on you.
18. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse
to dance. Besides, you’re just there to stand around and look
cool, right?
19. Automatically assume that she doesn’t know a thing about
cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets
you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it.
20. Blame everything on PMS.
The Wedding Night
A young couple get married and they have never made love
before. On their wedding night the wife is quite anxious to get
things going, but the man seems to be having some difficulty.
Finally, he starts to undress. She notices his knees are deeply
pockmarked and scarred. So the wife said “What happened to you?”
The man said “When I was very young I had the kneesles.” He
took off his socks and when his wife saw that his toes were all
mangled and deformed she said “I don’t understand. What happened
to your feet?”
“Well you see, when I was a young boy I had tolio.” So the
man takes off his shorts and the woman says, “Don’t tell
me…smallcox.”
Your mamma is so fat
your mamma is so fat that she could use the pacific ocean as a water bed
Two cannibals
Q. What’s the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Submarine
How do you kill a blond in a submarine?
Knock on the door!
10 YR OLD BOY DEFILED A 25YRS OLD GIRL
A ten year old boy was accused of rape and at the circuit court,
his case was called and his lawyer a female, quickly, lifted the boy on top of a table, opened his zip, pulled out his penis and asked, My Lord, Can this small penis rape and defile a 25 year old girl?
Shh! whispered the boy into the lawyers ears! Please dont shake my penis or else we will loose the case.
sumbited (ERIC TAYLOR-HAGAN) 020 8132755 – more, more, more…….