A 2nd grader comes home from school one day and tells her mom, “Today I
learned how to make babies!” The mother was aghast and sent the girl upstairs to
her room until the father came in. After he had talked to the daughter he told
his wife, ‘Yeah, she told me you just drop the Y and add IES.”
Author: admin
Sea joke
Q:Why did the fish blush?
A:because the sea weed!
Old Golfers
“How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.
“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad, I
couldn’t see where the ball went.”
“You’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife. “Why don’t you
take my brother Scott along?”
“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.
“Yes, but he’s got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you,”
Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball
disappeared down the middle of the fairway. “Did you see where it went?”
asked Jack.
“Yup,” Scott answered.
“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
“I forgot.”
Una chica conoci� a un
Una chica conoci� a un chico y lo invit� a cenar a su casa.
El padre de la chica era catal�n (y muy amarrete) y al ver al chico le di� una manzana.
Al otro d�a la chica invit� al pibe de nuevo y el padre catal�n pregunt�:
“�Qu� hiciste con la manzana?”
Y el chico respondi�:
“Me la com�.”
“Muy mal, deber�as haberla part�o en seis, comer una cada d�a de la semana, con las semillas alimentar a las gallinas y con el huevo que puso la gallina com�s el s�ptimo d�a. Te voy a dar otra oportunidad.”
Entonces agarr� el catal�n le di� un chorizo.
A la semana la chica lo volvi� a invitar, y el padre pregunt�:
“�Qu� hiciste con el chorizo?”
“Lo cort� en siete pedazos, com� uno cada d�a de la semana, con la chapita me hice un anillo, con el cordel me hice una pulserita, con la piel hice un preservativo, tuve sexo con su hija y ac� tiene la leche para el gato.”
Internet –
Internet – Where cafeteria workers put their hair.Keyboard – Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.Mac – Big Bob’s favorite fast food.
The Top 15 Signs You’re Not Graduating This Term
15. You planned on being there, but they moved the trial to Denver.
14. You’re on a football scholarship at Oklahoma.
13. You get a snide letter from Admissions recommending a summer course in “Remedial Tuition Payment.”
12. You don’t feel you’ve yet done sufficient field research on your thesis topic: “The Munchies: What Causes Them?”
11. You spent over $400 on new books this semester, but over $40,000 on beer and pizza.
10. Final: “Calculate the load-bearing capacity of a bituminous concrete mix.”
You: Calculated the vomit-produaing capacity of mixing tequila and beer the night before the exam.
9. NBC and CBS feature live, round-the-clock coverage of your frat dorm.
8. You won the Heisman, the Nike commercial shoot is tomorrow and you haven’t been to class since late November.
7. Six years of college and all you’ve learned are the lyrics to “Louie, Louie.”
6. Your cap and gown are made of paper and have “Campus Food Service” written on them.
5. You’re still an undergrad, but the faculty grants you tenure.
4. Your blood alcohol level is consistently higher than your GPA.
3. Only sheepskin you’ll see this summer is in the barn.
2. Your tassel comprises half of your work uniform.
1. You got all “A’s,” but your name is Hester Prynne.
Air Head on a Beer
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
kuala bear
a kuala bear walks up to a prostitute and asks ifhe can have sex with her. she takes him up to her room. when they are finished she says, “that will be 50 dollars”. kuala bear looks very confused. The prostitute becomes very aggitated repeats “that will be 50 dollars” kuala bear continues to look confused. Prostitute takes out a dictionary, looks up the word “Prostitute” definition has sex for money. kuala bear takes the dictionary from her and looks up the word “kuala bear” definition, eats bushes and leaves.
Big Cigar
One day there was a newly wed couple driving down the highway. Two truck
drivers were also driving down that same highway. The passenger in the
truck said “I have to take a shit!” “We’re not stopping!” said the driver.
“Stick your ass out the window and shit.” So the man did, but the driver
rolled the window up and squeezed his butt-cheeks together! Then the
newlywed couple drove by and the woman said, “honey, look at the big cigar
that guy’s smoking!”
Fat Momma
Yo’ Momma is so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Dead Cat Test
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat.
She asked if it was dead or alive.
“Dead,” she was informed.
“How do you know?”, she asked.
“Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move,” said the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?”, the teacher squealed in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssst’ and he didn’t move.”
Dealer and a hooker (sick)
Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!