There once was a little boy. His parents always are arguing
calling each other bitchs and basterds. One day, the little boy
asks what this meens. The parents answer, “well, it means, uh,
ladies and gentlemen”. So, the little boy goes upstairs and
walks in on his grandparents having sex. He hears,” give me your
boobs and give me your balls”, from his grandparents. He asks
them, “what does that mean?”, “uh, hats and coats”, they
answered. So, the little boy makes his way down the stairs and
hears his mum mutter “fuck!”. He walks in to the kitchen to find
her cutting the turkey. He asks, ” what does that mean?”. His
mom answers,”um, well, preparing the turkey”. So, he goes
upstairs and hears his dad scream shit!!. So, he asks his dad
what that means. He anwers,”well, it’s shaving cream”.
“DING DONG”, the little boy runs downstairs to greet the
guests for thanksgiving dinner. He anwers the door,” Hello
bitches and basterds, give me your boobs and balls”. The guests
are very offended and ask him where his parents are. “My moms in
the kitchen fucking the turkey, and my dad is upstairs putting
shit on his face”, he answers.
Author: admin
Children and Cars
Children in the back of the car cause accidents.
Accidents in the back of the car cause children.
Trout fishing
Two irishmen in the pub,one says to the other lets go trout fishing i know a place what i heard about .His mate agrees and off they go–he says to his mate hang me over the bridge with my legs and ill tickle the trout its easy,after about half hour he said paddy pull me up quick,quick-he replied why have you got one -he said no theres a bloody train coming.
4 Wives
The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking together about how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.
Well, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth.
Un ni�o todos los dias
Un ni�o todos los dias molestaba a otro dici�ndole:
“Oye, Pedro �conoces a Juan?”
A lo que el otro le respond�a:
“�Qu� Juan?”
Y el primer ni�o con una soberbia carcajada le dec�a:
“Ag�rrame los huevos que se me van.”
Esto pas� por varios d�as hasta que el ni�o le dijo a su mam� que as� lo molestaban y la mam� le dijo:
“La pr�xima vez que te lo encuentres tu le dices as�: le preguntas por un tal Ernesto y cuando te diga �qu� Ernesto? tu le dices Ag�rrame estos…”
Y al otro d�a el ni�o va contento porque se iba a desquitar y se encuentra al ni�o que lo molestaba y le dice:
“Oye, �y tu conoces a Ernesto?”
Y el ni�o m�s abusado le dice:
“Ah s�, el primo de Juan…”
“�Qu� Juan?”
MONEY FROM HOME
A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because
he ran out of it. His mom said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money.
You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want
me to send that up too?”
“Uhh, oh yeah, okay,” responded the kid.
So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to
the post office to mail the money and the book.
When she gets back, her husband asked, “Well how much did you give the boy his
time?”
She said, “Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out
to him.”
“That’s $1020!” yelled her husband. Are you crazy?”
“Don’t worry, Hon,” she said. “I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book,
but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!”
Macdonalds
A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and
orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately
gives him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here, you moron!”
The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the
New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to
chuckle.
“And what’s so funny?” the New Yorker demands.
“Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You
came here for the food!”
Clever Pupil
Mother: “Why are you home from school so early?”Son: “I was the only one who could answer a question.”Mother: “Oh, really? What was the question?”Son: “Who threw the eraser at the teacher”
Plumbers
A pipe burst in a lawyer’s house, so he called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a lawyer!”
The plumber replied sympathetically, “Neither did I when I was a lawyer.”
Safe hitch hiking
A father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.
“For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!”
“I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down.
“As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Mid- life crisis
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?
Eskimo
One of God’s Frozen children.