Author: admin

YOU KNOW YOU WORK IN CORPORATE AMERICA IF …

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro

Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket

Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um

You order your business cards in “half orders” instead of whole boxes

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise

You learn about your layoff on CNN

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined

You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive

It’s dark when you drive to and from work

Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else

Communication is something your group is having problems with

You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor

Free food left over from meetings is your main staple

Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home

Being sick is defined as can’t walk or you’re in the hospital

Art involves a white board

You’re already late on the assignment you just got

You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say “Oh wow, thanks!”

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read only by your co-workers

Your boss’ favorite lines are, “When you get a few minutes” or “When you’re freed up”

Your boss’ second favorite lines are, “…this isn’t exactly what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have changed.”

Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try to use up three weeks between Christmas and New Years because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for it every January

Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers”

Change is the norm

The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is because their pictures are hanging in your cube

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting

You read this entire list and understood it.

An inventor goes into a bank and asks the Banker for a loan to help him maufacture a new product. The Banker tells him he needs to see the product, first.

The man pulls a small envelope out of his pocket and empties the contents, an orange powder, onto the desk. “That’s my invention!” “You dump this onto a womans pussy and it makes it taste like ORANGES! FRESH SQUEEZED ORANGES! He shouts.

The banker is not impressed. He says, “That’s obscene, I won’t loan the banks money on something like that! GET OUT!

The inventor leaves, but the next week he’s back and makes a $5,000 deposit. The next day he deposits $10,000. The thrid day it’s $20,000. The banker sees this and apologizes to the man.

The inventor tells him, “No, you where right! I was wrong. You straightened me out. I’ve come up with someting much better and I owe it all to you! That’s why I using your bank!”

The banker asks what his new invention is. The guy smiles and pulls out another small envelope and dumps this pink powder out on his desk. “You see that?” he says, “That’s my new product! You just sprinkle that on an ORANGE…….”

Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.