Una pareja de ancianos discuten, y �l le dice a ella:
“Cuando te mueras voy a comprar una l�pida que diga: “Aqu� yace mi mujer, tan fr�a como siempre”.
“Y yo voy a poner: “Aqu� yace mi marido, �al fin r�gido!”.
Author: admin
Una madre orgullosa y
Una madre orgullosa y contenta con su hijo que jugaba beisbol, le gritaba:
“�Batea Con�! �Corre Con�! �Lanza Con�!”
Llenas de curiosidad, las amigas fan�ticas le preguntaron que de donde sali� el nombre de su hijo.
Ella les explic� que al inscribirlo al registro demogr�fico el funcionario a cargo se resisti� a inscribirlo Iduardo, como ella quer�a.
Cada vez que ella le dec�a que se llamaria Iduardo, �l le contestaba: �Con�, Con�, Con�!
LIPSTICK ON THE MIRRORS
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique
problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in
the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would
press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of
the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the
custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how!
difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean
one of them. He took a long handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then
cleaned the mirror.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.
Monica’s nickname for bill: “Sir
Monica’s nickname for bill: “Sir Blow-alot”
Dunlop Rubbers
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was as asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read “Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins”, then she moved under one that read “Sloans Liniments remove Swelling”. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read “William Stick Did The Trick”. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read “Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.”
He won the case.
Blonde E-Mail
How do you know when a blonde’s been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive.
Difference
Q: What’s the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn’t want to cuddle after you drop a load into it.
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell….
One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I’m in Hell.
Devil: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a
drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: Well, You’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that’s all we do.
Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Mt.
Dew. We drink until we throw up and then drink some more.
Guy: Wow, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: Yeah , you better believe it.
Devil: All right ! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from around the world and smooke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it’s
okay…. you’re already dead.
Guy: No Way !
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack,
horseraces, you name it. we even opened a Pai Gai Poker table.
Guy: I never played that before.
Devil: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, i love drugs! You don’t mean…
Devil: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a big bowl
of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of your head. Do all the drugs you
want. If you overdose, It’s Okay… you’re already dead.
Guy: Alright ! I never realized that Hell was such a swinging place!
Devil: So…. are you gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Devil: Ooooh (grimaces), you are gonna hate Fridays!
Un ingeniero en sistemas de
Un ingeniero en sistemas de una compa��a reuni� las frases o di�logos m�s extra�os y est�pidos que ha escuchado de algunos oficinistas que no tienen idea de c�mo usar una computadora y le piden ayuda. He aqu� un ejemplo:
Licenciado: “Hice este documento en casa, pero aqu� no me carga.”
Ingeniero: “Bien. �Qu� procesador de textos usaste?”
Licenciado: “Windows, versi�n 98.”
Ingeniero: “No, quiero decir qu� programa, no el sistema operativo.”
Licenciado: “Windows.”
Ingeniero: “No. Windows es el sistema. Lo que quiero saber es el programa. Por ejemplo, puede haber sido Word Perfect, o Microsoft Word…”
Al licenciado se le ilumina la cara.
Licenciado: “�Ah, claro! fue con Microsoft Windows.”
MPAA Answering Machine
Thank you for calling the Motion Picure Association of America. We can’t come to the phone right now, as we’re too busy bribing various politicians to pass laws favorable to us, and over-dramatically pretenting that Hollywod is going out of business because of VCRs and DVD burners.
At the sound of the tone, please scratch all of your DVDs with a key or other sharp object, and proceed immediately to the store to repurchase them over and over.
Blonde and a Microwave
What is the difference between a blonde and a microwave?
When you put a piece of meat in the microwave it doesn’t scream!
Blonde Counting Shee
Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says “If you can count all my sheep I’ll let you have any one you want.” The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, “You have 356 sheep.” The farmer exclaims, “Wow — you’re exactly right. I guess blondes really aren’t dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep.” The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.”Oh no,” he says, “you can’t have that one.” “Why not?” asks the blonde, “you said I could have any sheep I wanted.” And the farmer says, “Ma’am, that’s my dog.”