There was a teacher getting ready for class and she was waiting for 3 boys to arrive.
The first boy comes in the class with no pants on but is wearing a t-shirt and undies.
The teacher ask” Where have you been?”
The boy says “I went on Blueberry Hill”.
The second boy enters the class with no t-shirt on but is wearing pants and undies.
The teacher asks” Where have you been?”
The boy says “I went on Blueberry Hill?”
The third boy enters the class with no pants and undies but is wearing a t-shirt.
The teacher asks him ” Where have you been?”
The boys says ” I went on Blueberry Hill”.
Now this girl enters the class with nothing on. The teacher says ” I suppose you went on Blueberry Hill, right?”
And the girl says ” No miss, I am Blueberry Hill”.
Author: admin
Tracks
Two blondes are walking in the forest they came to some tracks. The first one said those are dear tracks, the second one said they are moose tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Doe in the Woods
Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?
A: I’ll never do that for two bucks again.
Flat tire by the nut house
Mr Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Mr Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Mr Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.Mr Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.”Hey, pal! Why don’t you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That’ll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something.”Mr Jones is startled by the patient’s seeming rationality, but realises the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. “You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?”The patient smiles and says, “I’m in here because I’m crazy, not because I’m stupid.”
Blondine
How many blonde jokes are there?
Just one.The others are true.
A priest and a nun in the desert
A priest and a nun were riding a camel through the desert and the camel passed out and died. Since the priest and the nun had no way to travel they knew they were going to die. The priest asked the nun, “Since we are going to die anyway is there anything I can do for you?”The nun replied, “Well… I’ve never seen a naked man before.” The priest being the kind man that he was took all of his clothes off.Pointing at the priest’s dick, the nun asked, “What is that?”The priest said,”It is my sternum.””What does it do?” Asked the nun.”It brings forth life.” said the priest.Then the nun said, ” Well stick that on up in the camel and let’s get outta here!”
A bus stops and two
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage
in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their
conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears
one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come
again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Den I come one-a more.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this
country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!.”
“Hey, coola-downa lady”, said the man. “Imma justa teachin’ my fren’
howa to spella Mississippi.”
HOW TO GET RID OF JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry. (Immediate results)
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long
their spirit of charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with “What do you mean by that?” This
might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how
long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the “Alpha & Omega’s”
identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may have to resort to another
method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from your sitting room (or wherever) …and don’t come
back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls.
(Bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL
there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses
who visited you.)
7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the
etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what’s going on, say
“nothing, why?” in very even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as #7, except say “beep” instead of giggling.
9. (Males only) feign an intense interest in their spiel. Part way through;
begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. (Make encouraging
noises [uh huh, I see…] throughout and if they ask you what you’re doing, pull
a #7) If they’re still there when you are done, Ask them if they would please
kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Redneck Circumcision
Q. How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A. Kick his sister in the jaw.
Black Or White God?
There was a black guy and a white guy. They were debating over
whether god was white or black. The white guy said that there
was only one way to find out and that is to pray. So they go up
on a hill and they pray, and pray, and pray. Finally they here a
voice say, “I am what I am.” The white guy jumps up, and says,
“AHA I told you he was white.” The black guy jumps up and says,
“What do you mean? That didn’t prove anything.” “Yes it did,
Because if he was black he would’ve said I is what I is.”
Clinton’s worst nightmare?
Q: What is Clinton’s worst nightmare?
A: An intern with braces.
Never put all your eggs
Never put all your eggs in your pocket.