Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?A: (Dole) When I was a poor boy growing up in Kansas we didn’t have light bulbs. Now I have the housekeeper do it.
Author: admin
Drinking til you’re blind
This guy stumbles out of a bar, after a long night of heavy drinking.
Upon exiting the bar he passes a nun.
He stops and punches her in the face and knocks her down; while she’s on the ground he kicks her in the stomach and yells, ‘You’re not so fucking tough tonight, now are ya Batman!’
Poles At Theater
Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a
theater?
They were waiting to see the movie “Closed for the Winter.”
In a clothing store:…
In a clothing store:
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”
Extrovert
How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.
Un tipo era tan adicto
Un tipo era tan adicto al cigarrillo que no le importaba el lugar ni lo que estuviera haciendo, si le daban ganas de fumar y no ten�a cigarrillos, inmediatamente sal�a a comprarlos.
Un d�a que estaba ba��ndose le dieron unas ganas enormes de fumar y sali� a comprar cigarrillos tal como Dios lo trajo al mundo. Cuando regresaba, vio que tres religiosas iban por su camino, as� que lo �nico que se le ocurri� fue ponerse como si fuera m�quina expendedora de cigarrillos. Las monjas llegan y comentan:
“Mira, hermana, que m�quina m�s original de cigarrillos; voy a sacar uno”.
As� que le aprieta el miembro y �pum! salen sus cigarrillos. Va la segunda, aprieta y nuevamente cigarrillos; la tercera aprieta y aprieta y nada. Cuando ya se estaba dando por vencida y cre�a que la m�quina estaba da�ada comenta:
“Vieron, a m� no me entreg� cigarrillos, pero si me sali� crema para la cara”.
Dirty Hole
Q: How much dirt is in a hole three feet long, two feet wide, and one foot deep? [SCROLL DOWN AGAIN FOR THE ANSWER] A: None. It’s a hole, after all.
rich Mayors
Once there was a meeting for the mayors across the U.S, they
had to meet in the Indiana one, so then they met,
and the one from New York was the first one to come, so then
he saw the mansion full of silver ,4 basements down
and 4 floors up with a huge swimming pool , with huge tiles
and he said “wow, how can you have a huge house
with all this stuff? Then he said “you know that bridge over
there”” yes” t “i have 40% of that” oh.
So then, after the other Mayors came and then the New Yorker
said to the Indiana ” come to my house for the
next meeting”so then he said “okay, i will”
(next month) Then they had another meeting and then the
Indiana came first and saw everythin gold with a twice
as large swimming pool in the back yard with 4 trampolins and
2 HUGE slides with 5 relaxing chairs and a 5 down
basement , and 5 story high and the house is 4 times the size
. Then he said “how did you get sucha large house”
then he said “you see that bridge?” “yes” 100% in my pocket.
Best Job In Iraq
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?A: Foreign Ambassador
Irish Sweepstakes
Paddy and Mick shared first prize of $500,000 in the Irish Sweepstakes and were celebrating their winnings over a jar of stout.
“But Paddy, Oi’ve been thinking,” Mick said with a worried frown, “what will we do with all them beggin’ letters?”
“Shure,” said Paddy, “we’ll go on sending ’em out.”
Gorilla Removal
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.
“Boy,” is the man’s response.
“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”
The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”
Blondes version of the bird and the bees
A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street together when the brunette said “oh, look a dead bird!”.
The blonde looked up and said “where,where?”