Frog princess

A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road.
As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. ‘Kiss me and I will turn into a princess.’
The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

The frog starts shouting, ‘Hey! Didn’t you hear me? I’m a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours.’
The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.

The frog is really frustrated. ‘I don’t get it. Why won’t you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask.’

The guy says, ‘Look, I’m a computer geek. I don’t have time for girls.
But a talking frog is cool!’

Redneck quickies 27

You might be a rednack if…Your wife gets a hunting license so you can tag your second buck. You have all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes on tape. You can give a summary of all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes. You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek. It takes you and 31 others in the same room to show off a full set of teeth.You’ve ever stood outside a K-mart for more than an hour arguing with the manager about the shirt and shoes law.You’ve ever gone Christmas shopping at the dollar store. You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong. You’ve ever shoplifted Spam.You don’t understand why Bo and Luke never tried to get it on with Daisy. Your son has ever stolen disected frogs from Biology class so that your family won’t go hungry.You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin. Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q. You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport. You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.You have to call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.None of your zippers have all their teeth either. You are driving the car you were conceived in. You’ve ever used scissors on food.

At the Fair

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn’t aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle.Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight.”That’s fantastic”, the man said. “Hasn’t he scored three bulls?”The showman, cursing his luck, made a play of going over to the target and inspecting it closely.”Yes Sir!” , he announced to the crowd. “This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware””I don’t want any bloody glasses”, the drunk replied. “Give me another one of those delicious crusty meat pies.”

THERE WERE THREE MEN

THERE WERE THREE MEN WHO WANTED TO HAVE A DRINK IN A PUB SO THEY WENT AND AS
SOON AS THEY GOT THERE IT DIDNT HAVE A NAME SO THE FIRST ONE GOES LETS CALL IT
THE QUEENS NOSE AND THE SECOND ONE SAID NO LETS CALL IT THE QUEENS ARMS AND THE
THIRD ONE SAID NO LETS CALL IT THE QUEENS LEGS SO THEY SAID YEA THEN A POLICE
MAN COME ALONG AND SAID EXUSE ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND THEY REPLYED WE ARE JUST
WAITING FOR THE QUEENS LEGS TO OPEN UP TO GET A DRINK.