Its not pms I just hate you.
Author: admin
Why the US attacked Iraq twice
A Washington think tank has announced a breakthrough in the search for a pattern in the seemingly random US military aggression since World War II. “We think they are spelling out a message”, explains an unnamed spokesperson. “If we take the first letters of Korea, Vietnam, Libya, Iraq, Iran, El Salvador, Grenada, Nicaragua and Somalia, it spells ‘ELVIS _S KING’. We just need to find another ‘I’ country to complete the message.”Maybe this explains the second attack on Iraq?!
An error? Impossible!
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
White Momma
Your Momma is so white she crys milk shits chalk.
Un borracho dando traspi�s entra
Un borracho dando traspi�s entra a la recepci�n de un edificio.
“Disculpe, �aqu� es Alcoh�licos An�nimos?”, pregunta con voz estropajosa.
“S�, caballero, �viene a inscribirse?”
“No, vengo a que me borre de la lista”.
Speeding Bullet
Superman called his buddy Batman and ask if he wanted to go hang
out and Batman said no that he and Robin were going to hang out.
So then Superman calls Spiderman and ask if he wanted to go hang
out and he said no that he had a date with Catwoman. So Superman
decided to fly over to Wonderwomans apartment building and see
what she was doing. As he was flying over the buildings he saw
Wonderwoman laid out on top of the building naked with her legs
spread wide open. Superman was very horny, so he decided, hey
I’m Superman, I am faster than a speeding bullet and I can fly
down there and fuck her and then be out of there before she even
knew what happened. So he decided to do this. He flew down and
fucked her then flew off. Wonderwoman said did you hear
something and the invisibleman said, “no but my ass sure does
hurt.”
Three ducks in court
Three ducks got arrested and appeared before a judge. The judge asked the first duck “whats your name?” Quack replied the duck. “And what did you get arrested for?” Blowing bubbles in the pond.
The second duck comes before the judge and is asked “whats your name?” Quack Quack replies the duck. “And what did you get arrested for?” Blowing bubbles in the pond.
The third duck appears before the judge and the judge says “I know I bet your name is Quack Quack Quack”
“Why no,” the duck replies. “My name is bubbles!”
Pitching soon
Two best friends were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their
entire adult lives revolved around baseball. They discussed baseball history in
the winter, and they examined every box score during the season. They went to
over 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come
back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One summer night, one of the friend passed away in his sleep after watching a
Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died a happy man.
A few nights later, his buddy awoke to the sound of the voice from beyond.
“is that you?” he asked. “Of course it me,” his friend’s voice replied.
“This is unbelievable!” he exclaimed, “So tell me, is there baseball in
heaven?”
“Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to
hear first?”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, the good news is that there is baseball in heaven,”
“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”
“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”
What do you call 28 rednecks in the same room?
What do you call 28 rednecks in the same room?
Answer: A full set of teeth!!
Excerpt from Kenneth Starr’s cross
Excerpt from Kenneth Starr’s cross examination of President Clinton.
Starr: Now you told us earlier that you spent a lot of money on a face
lift for Ms. Lewinski. Would you like to clarify just how much money you
spent?
Clinton: No, no ,no. What I said was, “I blew a wad on her
face.”
An old county doctor
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was
so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was
home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor
instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the
woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little
while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the
bottom to get him to take his first breath.
“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the
first place!!”
Congress Embraces Internet Technology in Campaign
Priceline.com’s stock soared and Ebay created an entire new section on their
online auction site to accommodate the US Congress’ overhaul of campaign
financial law.
Senator John McCain, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised his fellow
Senator�s choice to “name your own price” for Congressional influence. “This is
significant legislation that will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring
millions into politicians’ pockets.”
In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto Priceline.com and
“name their own price” to influence a member of the House. Citizens wishing to
purchase a Senator need to logon to Ebay.
William Jefferson Clinton has replaced William Shatner as spokesman for the
new Congressional Price line. In an “off- camera” remark, he said, “This is
going to be BIG …really BIG!”