Q: Why can’t you hear a viola on a digital recording?A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
Author: admin
I don’t think so, therefore
I don’t think so, therefore I’m probably not.
– Alan Smithee
Rudolph Is Gay!
RUDOLPH IS GAY! It says so in the song:
line 3: Olive, the other Reindeer (a female) used to laugh and call him names (questioning his masculinity).
line 7: then HOWARD REINDEER loved him (physically and emotionally)
as he shouted out in glee (like only a fem would shout in glee!):
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – YOU LL GO DOWN!……………..!!!???
(and they actually mistakenly added an extra letter to the last word because it originally
finished as: you ll go down on HIS – TOY!!)
Plus, he is IN BED with two other guys: Yukon and Hermie; and we all know about Hermie!
Just think about it!?
Rejected Hallmark Cards
“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder:…
— What was I thinking?”
“Congratulations on your wedding day!…
— Too bad no one likes your wife.”
“How could two people as beautiful you….
— have such an ugly baby?”
“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love…
— After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”
“I must admit, you brought Religion in my life…
— I never believed in Hell until I met you.”
“As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…
— that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”
“As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me…
— Like the need for therapy.”
“Thanks for being a part of my life!!!…
— I never knew what evil was before this!”
“Before you go,…
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
— You’ll probably need it again.”
“Someday I hope to get married…
— but not to you.”
“You look great for your age…
— Almost Lifelike!”
“When we were together, you always said you’d die for me…
— Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”
“I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend…
— So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”
“We have been friends for a very long time…
— What do you say we call it quits?”
“I’m so miserable without you…
— It’s almost like you’re here.”
“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy…
— Did you ever find out who the father was?”
“You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
— I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”
rooster v prostitute
What’s the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
One says ‘Cock-a-doodle-doo’ and the other says ‘Any cock will do’.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Two Old Women
Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about
this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The
first old lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever.
The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret
was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling
the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps
into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband
comes into the bedroom he gets turned on and has his way with
her.
The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night
when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick
shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. Her
husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says, “For
God’s sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you’re
starting to look like an asshole.”
Fighting for Virgini
The guy walked into the bar (ouch) looking like he’d been run over by a truck. His hair was matted, his face bloody and scratched, his clothes torn. His friends bought him a beer, then asked, “What happened?”The guy chugged the beer and said, “I was fighting for Joanne’s virginity.””No kidding?””Yeah. But that little tiger was determined to keep it.”
The Ditcher
As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of
26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather
peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but
his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again.
This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and
was finally ordained a priest.
One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the
Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was
Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this
time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down
from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get
away with this, are you?”
The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father
Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It
WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked
at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?” The Lord
smiled and replied, “Who is he going to tell?”
Why did the turkey cross the road
Why did the the turkey croos the road??
cause the the chicken was on vacation.
The wind is like the
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
A flying blond
Why did the Blonde jump off the Empire State Building? Because she said her maxi pad had wings.
With Bill Clinton
With Bill Clinton in the White House, I finally understand why we celebrate Presidents Day with mattress sales. (Leno)