After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.The moral: when you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Author: admin
How ugly was she
i knew a girl that was so ugly.how ugly was she? she was so ugly the only thing uglyer would have been two of her.
There was an old whore from Kahlua…
There was an old whore from Kahlua
Who’d poxed all the cocks ‘d been through her
The smell from her twat
Killed of a large rat
That had lived thirty years in a sewer
Unique job interviews
Job Interview Quotations
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest
corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing
prospective employees.
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the
interviewer and the music at the same time.
Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
Candidate announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and
french fies in the interviewers office.
Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept
in a closet in Mexico.
Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes
later wearing a headpiece.
Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the
corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to
answer specific interview questions.
Candidate brought large dog to interview.
Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
Candidate dozed off during interview.
The employers were also asked to list the “most unusual” questions that have
been asked by job candidates.
“What is it that you people do at this company?”
“What is the company motto?”
“Why aren’t you in a more interesting business?”
“What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?”
“Why do you want references?”
“Do I have to dress for the next interview?”
“I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?”
“Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?”
“Will the company pay to relocate my horse?”
“Does your health insurance cover pets?”
“Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”
“Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”
“Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?”
“Why am I here?”
Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates during the
interview process.
I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.
At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.
I feel uneasy indoors.
Sometimes I feel like smashing things.
Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.
I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.
I get excited very easily.
I am fascinated by fire.
I like tall women.
People are always watching me.
If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.
I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.
I never get hungry.
I know who is responsible for most of my troubles
If the pay was right, I’d travel with the carnival.
I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.
I think I’m going to throw-up.
Able
Able to whine in words.
MORALS
There was a lake near town and there was a fly hovering 6 inches above the water.
In the water there was a fish and the fish said” If the fly would drop 6 inches I could get it”.
On the shore there was a bear and the bear said ” If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly and I would go for the fish”.
Behind the bear was a hunter and the hunter said” If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would would go for the fish and I would shoot the bear”.
Behind the hunter there was a mouse and the mouse said” If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would go for the fish the hunter would shoot the bear and I would get the cheese sandwich”.
Behind the mouse was a cat the cat said” If the fly would drop 6 inches the fish would go for the fly the bear would go for the fish the hunter would shoot the bear the mouse would go for the cheese sandwich and I would go for the mouse”.
All of a sudden the fly dropped 6 inches the fish went for the fly the bear went for the fish the hunter shot at the bear the mouse went for the cheese sandwich and the cat got so excited she slipped and fell into the lake.
Whats the moral of the story?
EVERY TIME A FLY DROPS 6 INCHES A PUSSY GETS WET!!!
You might be a college student if . . .
35. If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo
Old Lady in Court
Defence Attorney: What is your age?Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.Defence Attorney: Did you know him?Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?Little Old Woman: No, I didn’t stop him.Defence Attorney: Why not?Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.Defence Attorney: What happened next?Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?Little Old Woman: Hell No, I did not stop him.Defence Attorney: Why not?Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!Defence Attorney: What happened next?Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, “take me, young man, Take me!”Defence Attorney: Did he take you?Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That’s when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot the son of a bitch!
Chilling with the Eskimo
What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?
Polaroid�s!
Down a Hill
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
A Mudslide.
Miasma
Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine?
A: “Daddy, I want to go to Miasma!”
Your momma
your mommas teeth are so yellow, when she spits she spits yohoo!