It is later than you think.
Author: admin
The Stupid One
Everybody’s talking’ ’bout Bush Daddy’s son.
To the whole wide world, he’s the Stupid One.
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
the one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Shrub has wrecked our future; press gives him a pass.
He has done things we rue for Big Oil and Gas:
Polluted skies, more acid rain.
Tell the First Moron he’s also insane.
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
the one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Bush had thought his words for war sounded sweet,
As his bombin’ tore Iraq apart, in the heat.
Killed the sick… razed the dead,
Made the whole wide world squawk, “Bush, you misled!”
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
(instrumental break)
Bush had thought his words for war sounded sweet,
As his bombin’ tore Iraq apart, in the heat.
Killed the sick… razed the dead.
Made the whole wide world squawk, “Bush, you misled!”
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Yeah, he’s the one (Bush.. Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one (Bush… Baby, he’s the one)
He’s the one, he’s the one,
The one they call the Stupid One (called the Stupid One).
Need the Eggs
Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he’s a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.
Ebonics X-mas
An Ebonics X-mas The Night Befo’ Crizmus
Wuz da night befo Crizmus An all thru da hood Everybody be sleepin’ Dey was sleepin real good
We hunged up our stockins An hoped like all heck Dat ‘ol Sanny Claws Gonna brang us our check
All of da fambly Wuz layin in beds While Thunderbird wine Danced thru dere heds
I dun passed out on ze flo’ Right nex to my maw When I heared such a fuss I thunk – it mus be da law
I looked out thru da bars What could I now do I was spectin the sherrif With a warrent for sho’
And what did I see Made me say, “Lawd look at dat” Dere was a huge watahmelon Pulled by 8 big ass rats
Now ober all da years Sanny Claws he be white But it looks like us bros Get a black Sanny tonite
Faster dan a po lice car My homeboy he came He whupped up on dem rats As he called dem be name
On Leroy, On Roosevelt On Virvus, On Willie On Yolanda, On Crayola On Kiesha, and Nefrotilly
An ‘ol Sanny landed dat watahmelon Out dere in da street I knowed it fo shu Da damnest ting I eber did seed
Dat black Sanny didn’t go down no chimbly He picked da lock on my do’ An I sez to myeslf “Shit – He dis befo’
He had did big bag Full of prezents I speck Wif Air Jordans and fake gold To wear roun my nek
But he left no prezents Jus started stealin my shit Got my guns, got my crack Eben my burgler’s kit
Wit my shit in his bag Out da windo he flew I sho woulda chased him But he got my knife too
He jumped on dat watahmelon Wit out a hitch He wuz gone in a second That son of a bitch
So nex year I be hopin’ A white Sanny we git ‘Cause a black Sanny Claws Jus ain’t worf a shit!
No thanks
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip
south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying
two dead raccoons. “Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she
asked.
“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”
Passenger
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
2 FOR 1
A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle as hunting season was about
to start. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you
can see my house all the way up on that hill.” The man takes a look through the
scope and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man
replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man and looks at his house. Then he
hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this
scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and
shoot the guy’s dick off.”
The man takes another look through the scope, and says, “You know what? I
think I can do that with one shot!”
2 Mutes
There were two deaf mutes standing on a street corner talking to each
other with sign language.
Mute #1 (SIGN)”What would you like to do?”
Mute #2 (SIGN)”I don’t know, what about you?”
Mute #1 (SIGN)”Let’s get my car, find some girls, drive to a dark space
and have some fun.”
Mute #2 (SIGN)”Good idea.”
So they get in his car, find some girls, drive to a dark spot and are
having a ball when the guy in the back seat taps the guy in the front seat
on the shoulder…..
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)”What?”
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)”Have you got any protection?”
Front Seat Mute (SIGN)”No. Don’t you?”
Back Seat Mute (SIGN)”No. We had better go to a drug store and get
some.”
They proceed to drive to a drug store and the man in the back seat gets
out and goes inside. In 2 minutes he is back outside and taps on the car
window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)”What?”
Outside Mute (SIGN)”I’ve got a problem.”
Inside Mute (SIGN)”What?”
Outside Mute (SIGN)”I can’t make the druggist understand what I want.”
Inside Mute (SIGN)”I know What to do.”
Outside Mute (SIGN)”What?”
Inside Mute (SIGN)”Go back inside. Put five dollars on the counter. Put
your pecker on the counter. He’ll know what you want.”
Outside Mute (SIGN)”Good idea.”
The man goes back into the drug store and 2 minutes later he’s back at the
car window.
Inside Mute (SIGN)”Well?”
Outside Mute (SIGN)”It didn’t work.”
Inside Mute (SIGN)”What do you mean?”
Outside Mute (SIGN) “I did what you told me to do. I went inside. I put 5
dollars on the counter. I put my pecker on the counter. He put his on the
counter. His was bigger than mine. He took my 5 dollars.”
Selling Insect Repel
A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.”Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.”The farmer was dubious.”Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you.”The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.Back to the house went the farmer The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.The farmer was perplexed.”Son,” he said, “now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, “For crying out loud, Mister, doesn’t that calf have a mother?!!!”
Mortgage
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? No way, wait until Christmas.”
Finally, Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.
The father said, “Look, the mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry kiddo, but we just can’t afford it. Ask me again next year.”
So, 2 days later, the father saw the boy walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was leaving.
The boy replied, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and Mommy screamed that you should wait because she was coming too! I’ll be damned if I’M gettin’ stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”
english, irishman, scotsman joke
There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site.
it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said “if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge” the scotsman and irishman say the same
so the next day comes and the englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
the scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge and the irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge
at the funeral the wives meet up and the englishmans wife says “i could of just made him another kind of sandwich” the scotsmans wife says i would of got another kind of cheese” the irishmans wife says i do not know why he jumped he made his own sandwiches.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Handsome!Handsome who?Handsome chips
Knock KnockWho’s there?Handsome!Handsome who?Handsome chips through the keyhole and I’ll tell you more!