Author: admin

Why do white people put their trash out in clear garbage bags?

So the Puerto Ricans can go window shopping!

Every time a new Pope is elected, there are many rituals and ceremonies to perform, in accordance with tradition.But there’s one tradition that very few people know about…Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope’s presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected.John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.”My brother,” the Holy Father whispered, “I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?”The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: “But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the mists of ancient history.”The Pope said: “Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret.” The Chief Rabbi agreed.Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock.It was the check for the Last Supper.

An old Indian walks into a bar one afternoon. He sits down and tells the bartender he wants a drink but has no money.

“Sorry”, says the bartender, “but I cant serve you if you cant pay.”

Well the Indian thinks for a minute then says, “Tell ya what, you blindfold me then lay a pelt down on the bar and I’ll feel of it, tell you what it is, what the quality of it is and what it was killed with. If I am right you give me a drink and if not I’ll leave.”

The bartender thought that was fair enough so he blindfolds the old man and lays out a bear skin on the bar. The old Indian rubs his hand over the pelt a few times and says, “Bear, fair quality. killed with a .30/06”.

The bartender was amazed…”Thats exactly right, what are ya drinkin?”

“Whiskey”, says the old man.

After finishing his drink the Indian makes the deal again….this time the bartender lays out the hide of a mountain goat. Again the old Indian rubs his hand back and forth across the pelt the says, “Mountain goat, good quality, killed with a bow and arrow.”

The bartender is astonished and again gives the old man some more whiskey. After a short period a woman sitting next to the old Indian screams and jumps up and runs out the door. The bartender asks, “What was that all about?”

The old man says “Beaver, poor quality, hit with an axe.”

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, “YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!” The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, “YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.” The drunk looks up and says, “God? Is this God trying to warn me?” The voice says “NO, I’M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK.”

La maestra da la clase sobre invertebrados. Al terminar, pregunta a los alumnos:

“Juanita, �cu�l es el invertebrado m�s diminuto que conoces?”

“La oruga, maestra”.

“Muy bien, Juanita”.

Y as�, contin�a con los dem�s alumnos, hasta que le toca el turno al ni�o sabelotodo del sal�n, el t�pico con lentes, calculadora cient�fica en el bolsillo, corbata y toda la cosa.

“A ver, Salom�n, �menciona un invertebrado peque��simo que conozcas?”

Se para el chiquillo al lado de su banca y con voz erudita dice:

“El invertebrado m�s diminuto que conozco es la fafarafa, maestra”.

De momento, la maestra se queda pasmada (como era el ni�o sabio, no sab�a si desmentirlo o qu�).

“Salom�n, �podr�as explicarnos que es la fafarafa?”

“S�, maestra. La fafarafa es un peque�o animal que habita en la cabeza, sobre los huesos occipitales, y se alimenta de c�lulas muertas que caen sobre la cabeza, lo que com�nmente confundimos con polvo o tierra”.

La profesora se queda a�n m�s estupefacta. Al fondo del sal�n, Pepito ve su oportunidad.

“Ora si me lo chingo”, piensa felizmente mientras levanta la mano.

“Yo, maestra, yo”.

“S�, Pepito, �cu�l es el invertebrado m�s diminuto que conoces”.

“El feferefe, maestra”.

“�Podr�as explicarnos que es eso?”

“Claro, maestra. El feferefe es un animal peque�o que habita sobre los huesos occipitales de la cabeza y se alimenta de polvo o tierra. A diferencia de la fafarafa, el feferefe tiene un fifirifi para meterlo al fufurufu de la fafarafa”.