How To Tell a Negro Is Stealing Your T.V.
1. you see a floating t.v.
2. You only see two eyes moving.
3. you hear a “damn dog dat shit looks exspencive”.
Author: admin
"This won’t hurt, I promise."
“This won’t hurt, I promise.”
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman
One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in
each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking
it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer
and then started yelling: “AH BEGORRAH! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!”
What did one nut say to the other?…
What did one nut say to the other?
– Look at that dick in the middle!
Draw
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to
time, robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture,
DEAD or ALIVE! A trigger happy, young, enterprising Texas Ranger decided to
track down the bandit on his own and collect the reward. After a lengthy search,
the Ranger tracked the bandit to his favorite cantina and snuck up behind him.
At the sound of the Ranger’s guns cocking and preparing to fire, the surprised
bandit sped around only to see both of the Ranger’s six-shooters bearing down on
him. The Ranger announced, “You’re under arrest! Tell me where you hid the loot
or I’ll drop you where you stand,” his finger becoming itchy on the trigger.
However, the bandit didn’t speak English and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish.
Fortunately for the Ranger, a bilingual lawyer was present in the cantina and
translated the Ranger’s demand to the bandit. The terrified bandit blurted out,
in Spanish, that the loot was buried next to an old oak tree behind the cantina.
“What did he say, what did he say?� the Ranger hurriedly asked. To which the
lawyer replied, “Well, the best I can make out he said … DRAW!”
Q: How many Rochester
Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Fifty one – one to screw in the bulb, and fifty to comment about how much better the bulb is than light bulbs in Buffalo.
Yo mamma so stupid
You mama so stupid she thought anal sex involved farting.
Got a light?
There was an Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.
The captain said to them, “Your getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I’ll give you something to go in with.”
So the Englishman says he wants to go in with booze, so he goes in with his booze.
The Scotsman says he wants some women so he goes in with his women.
Finally, the Irishman wants to go in with cigarettes so he goes in with his cigarettes.
Then 50 years later, the Englishman comes out of his dungeon pissed, the Scotsman comes out with his women and kids, and the Irishman comes out and says, “Got a light?”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Do Not Interrupt
Teacher: Julie, please give me a sentence starting with “I”.
Julie: I is…
Teacher: No, Julie. Always say, “I am.”
Julie: All right . . . “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Right to Light
Q. How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. Two to screw it in, and one to confirm that light began while they were screwing.
Q: How many members
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say “I canna do it, Cap’n! These bulbs are stoon dead”, Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say “They’re BURNED-OUT, Jim!” and “Dammit Jim-I’m a doctor not an electrician!!”, Kirk to screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.
Murphy’s Technology Laws…
- Murphy’s Technology Laws
- If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try
multiplying by the page number.