- Arab Coffee (noun)
- Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
tiny cups at gunpoint.
Author: admin
Going home
How do you know if an Australian is gay ?
When he says he’s going home to Sydney and you know he lives in Melbourne.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Right?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Mechanical Sex
How can you tell a mechanic had sex?
One finger is clean
Birds and Bees
A rancher was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old son tanding at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.
The rancher thought to himself, “Great, now I’m gonna have to explain the ‘birds and bees’. Well, no need to jump the gun. I’ll just let him ask the questions and I’ll answer as best I can.”
After everything was over, the Rancher walked over to his son and said, “Well, son, do you have any questions?”
“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad. “How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?”
Pride is what we have.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Kick the Habit
Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair of ladies panties
on his arm. Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing
now.
After about an hour, a staff aid braved to ask Clinton what he was doing
with the pair of ladies panties on his arm. Clinton replied, “It’s the
patch, I’m trying to quit.”
Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects…
Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) – A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm — a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store’s cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree’s eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out “Merry Christmas, Everybody!” before singing “Jingle Bells.” Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly used to
pry open the door, Wilson said.
“They spotted me and bolted for the door and I started shooting, aiming low
cause I didn’t want to kill them,” he said. “I don’t think the Lord would have
blessed me for that. But now, maybe, burglars won’t come back here.”
Baton Rouge police said the two 16-year-old suspects, one with buckshot in
his buttocks and the other with a minor leg wound, were arrested on burglary
charges and released to their parents.
Police did not identify the boys because they are juveniles.
Police said no charges were filed against Wilson, although the case will be
forwarded to the district attorney for review.
Est� el pap� empujando al
Est� el pap� empujando al peque�o en su bicicleta, cuando de pronto lo suelta y �suelo! Con toda paciencia, lo levanta y lo vuelve a empujar, pero otra vez �suelo!.
Finalmente, tras un �ltimo intento, el padre desesperado exclama, “�ay Dios m�o, este chamaco, aparte de inv�lido �pendejo!”
Selling the Green Suit…
A man who isn’t qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.
Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.
The owner replies, “Yah, I know. That’s my way of getting rid of that pest!”
Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.
The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.
“Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.
But tell me, what in the world happened to you?”
“Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it… said it fit him great.
As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!”
Little Johnny – Give
Little Johnny is in class and the teacher is at the chalk board. She turns to the class after putting the letter “S” on the board. Ok class, I would like someone to give me a word that starts with the letter “S”. Johnny raises his hand and says “Me me me me.” The teacher says to herself “no way. hes so fouled mouth he will say shit or something.” So she calls on Suzzy. Suzzy says Sunflower.”Very good Suzzy. Then she outs the letter “f” up on the board little Johnny wonce again is saying “ME me me”. She says “Franklin give me a letter thats starts with the letter F.” Franklin says “funny teacher.” Very good Franklin.” This went on for most of the class. Finally she put the letter “R” up on the board. Johnny sat scratching his head like he was thinking real hard. She thought alright I got him.”Johnny can you give me a word that starts with the letter “R”?. Yes. Johnny says.”Rats. teacher.” Very good Johnny.” Then he said “big fucking rats three foot long with sixteen in harry dicks.” The teacher faintede.
Get in her Panties
A young woman was in a bar one evening, and soon became distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her.”Say, honey-baby … I’d really like t’get into those pants o’yours.””Thanks,” she shot back, “but I’ve already got an asshole in there.”