You’re so bald, it looks like your neck blew a bubble.
Author: admin
Clinton to President
As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request
over the loudspeaker:
“Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position
and prepare to land?”
Intelligent Ape
One day, an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as in the newspapers, but no one reported seeing the ape.
At last, the ape was found in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo and the animal handlers were summoned to the library. They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other was a book written by Darwin.
The zookeepers asked the ape what he was doing.
The ape replied, “I’m trying to figure out whether I am my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
D inasors
What do you call a lesbian dinasor ???
Alickalotofpuss !!!
The traffic ticket.
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to
appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
“WHAT FOR?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
“That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The guy replied…
“I know – I’m just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!”
Sleep With Clinton?
A recent poll of 2000 women were asked the question: Would you sleep with Bill
Clinton?
94% responded “Never again!”
Some stories from the american court of Justice
lawyer asks question to witness
Q:What happened then?
A:He said “I will kill you, because you may identify me” to me
Q:Did he kill you?
***************************************
Q:Do you have a child or something like that?
A:oh yes.I have one monkey.
***************************************
Q:I show you the third evidence and ask you if you recognize
this picture
A:yes its my picture
Q:were you there while this photo taken?
A:Nooo! I was in Guatemela’s independence day festivals
****************************************
Q:Now Mrs. Johnson, How was your first marriage ended?
A:Because of death
Q:For whose because of death
A:because of Guatemela’s president death
****************************************
Q:Then you were not there until you return there, is it?
A:yeah, I was here, there in somewhere
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They only screw the poor.
Forget it buddy!
A drunk stumbles into a confessional.
The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn’t hear anything, so the priest knocks on the wall.
The drunk says, “Forget it, buddy, there’s no paper in this one, either!”
Yasser Arafat in Ramallah
“After all, a week ago, there were � Yasser Arafat was boarded up in his
building in Ramallah, a building full of, evidently, German peace protestors and
all kinds of people. They’re now out. He’s now free to show leadership, to lead
the world.” �George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2002
Ole MacDonald
Ole MacDonald sitting on a bench,
slapping his meat with a monkey wrench,
missed his meat and hit his balls,
pissed all over in his overalles,
went to the creek to wash them off,
saw a beaver jacking off
kicked the beaver in its ass
never seen a beaver jack so fast.
An Arm And A Leg
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. So God asked him, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love whenever you should wish it.Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”God replied, “An arm and a leg.”Adam thought a moment and asked, “What can I get for a rib?”And the rest is history…