Yo mama so nasty, her favorite meal is chicken pox pie.
Author: admin
Speical watch
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a good-looking woman and starts looking at his watch. The woman notices this and asks him if his date is late. “No,” he replies. “I’ve just got this new state-of-the-art watch and I was just about to test it.””What does it do?””It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me.””What’s it telling you now?””Well, it says you’re not wearing a bra or panties.””Ha! Well it must be broken then, because I am!””Darn thing must be an hour fast.”
Blue Moon
When do you have a very cold stripper?
Once in a blue moon. (hence the cold butt sticking out)
Flight Mishap
A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax. – OH MY GOD!”
Silence Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said: “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”
Penguin Delivery
One day, a bus driver ran across a delivery van stranded on the side of the road.
The delivery man, who worked at the zoo, asked if the bus driver would do him a major favor.
He offered the bus driver $100 to deliver a truckload of penguins to the zoo.
The bus driver agreed and proceeded to load two dozen penguins onto his bus and away they went.
About an hour later, the delivery driver got his van fixed and headed off to the zoo to catch up with his deliveries.
As he was driving down the road, he saw the bus driver and the busload of penguins heading in the opposite direction.
He turned his van around and chased the bus and then pulled the bus driver over onto the side of the road.
He said, “What happened? I gave you a $100 dollars to take the penguins to the zoo!”
The bus driver said, “Right. I took penguins to the zoo. We had some money leftover, so now we’re going to the beach!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ford!Ford who?Ford he’s
Knock KnockWho’s there?Ford!Ford who?Ford he’s a jolly good fellow!
Saving Lives
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” “To save lives.” The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again.”So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.”It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.
DRIVE-THRU CONFESSIONAL
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas
that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor, a “higher
ranking” priest, came for a visit to see how he was doing.
After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, “Father John, your idea
of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for
your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the
confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work “shift” work. However,
Father John….that flashing neon sign that says ‘TOOT and TELL or GO to
HELL’….well, it has got to go!!”
Discovering America
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by calamjo
Your Car Need Clean
12. Greenpeace won’t let you move the car for fear of displacing some dung beetles that have taken up residence.11. Neighborhood kids offer: “Mow your Volvo, sir?”10. Your pine tree air freshener is now a protected old growth forest.9. Satellite photos reveal crop circles on your roof.8. “Wash Me” appears on your trunk — chiseled with a jackhammer.7. Its impossible to drive with the kids always clamoring to have a look through the periscope.6. Your “cell phone antenna” is really a sapling which took root.5. The kids are convinced that those crumpled old newspapers at the floor of the car are housing varmits.4. Visits to the farm always result in pigs squaling around your tires.3. Kids write “PLOW ME!” on your trunk.2. When you blow the horn, prairie dogs pop up from the hood.1. That rank smell coming from under all those McDonalds bags? The missing cat!
Breasts – – 101
Finally, something other than Smiley faces … 🙂
(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(+)(+) Fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) High nipple breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
00 A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) Wonderbra breasts
(^)(^) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
o/o/ Grandma breasts
( – )( – ) Flat against the Shower Door breasts
IoIIoI Android breasts
($)($) Jenny McCarthy’s breasts
And God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked
the woman, “Is there anything you would like changed?”
She replied, “Yes, could you get rid of the middle breast?”
And so it was done, and it was good.
The the woman exclaimed as she was holding that third breast in
her hand, “What can be done with this useless boob?”
And God created man.
Clap your hands
your so poor i walked into your cardboard box and stepped on a cockroach and you and your family said clap your hands stomp your feet praise the lord cause we got meat