Author: admin

A parrot developed the bad habit of humping the farmer’s hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot’s head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald. The following day, the farmer’s wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this. As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced, “Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!” Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, “And you two chicken-humpers get up here with me.”

The New Alphabet for Older PeopleA’s for arthritis B’s for bad back C’s for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac? D is for dental decay and decline E is for eyesight–can’t read that top line F is for fissures and fluid retention G is for gas (which I’d rather not mention) And other gastrointestinal glitches H is high blood pressure I is for itches J is for joints that are failing to flex L for libido–what happened to sex? Wait! I forgot about K for bad knees (I’ve got a few gaps in my M-memory) N’s for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis O is for osteo- P’s for porosis Q is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu? R is for reflux–one meal becomes two S is for sleepless nights counting my fears T is for tinnitus–bells in my ears U is for difficulties urinary V is for vertigo W is worry About what the X–as in X ray–will find But through the word “terminal” rushes to mind, I’m proud, as each Y – year – goes by, to reveal A reservoir of undiminished Z – zeal— For checking the symptoms my body’s deployed, And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.

Se encuentran Mois�s y Jes�s en el Para�so caminando a la orilla de un lago. Dice Jes�s:

“�T� recuerdas, Mois�s, los milagros que hac�amos en la Tierra?”

“S�, Jes�s. Es m�s, yo creo que todav�a puedo hacer alguno…”

Al diciendo esto, extiende las manos sobre el lago y el agua empieza a moverse y al fin se abre, dejando ver el fondo. Mois�s retira las manos y las aguas vuelven a su lugar. Jes�s, viendo aquello, recuerda:

“Bueno, y yo caminaba por la superficie de agua…”

Y empieza a caminar por el agua, pero al alejarse de la orilla, de repente, empieza a hundirse. Mois�s, asustado, abre las aguas de nuevo y rescata a Jes�s. Jes�s sale del lago y afirma desconcertado:

“�No entiendo lo qu� pasa, esto deber�a funcionar bien!”

“Mira, Jes�s, t� puedes creer que es una fantas�a, pero a m� me parece que esto tiene que ver con los orificios que tienes en los pies”, aventura Mois�s

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.He then asked, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”Nobody answered him.He then asked again, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”Again nobody answered.The old Indian said, “I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish.” So the Indian asked again,”Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”To which the littlest Indian replied, “I push port-a-potty over cliff.”The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, “Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?”The old Indian replied, “Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!”

Top Ten Signs You’re At A Redneck Wedding

10. Rehersial Dinner is held at Hooter’s

9. Instead of “Friends of the bride or friends of the groom,” the ushers ask, “Ford or Chevy?”

8. Bridesmaids pick tube tops, Bridegrooms choose Travis Tritt T-shirts.

7. Phrase, “I do” replaced by “I heard that”.

6. Tender rendition of the Wedding song performed by Cledus T. Judd.

5. The Minister asks, “Who giveth this woman to be married?” and some guy in the back of the church stands up and yells, ” Earnhardt!”

4. Reception Conversation includes, “So what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsay

3. Snack Trays at the reception: Vienna Sasuages and Nacho Cheese Doritoes.

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the Monster Truck Show

And the #1 Sign that you are at a redneck wedding……

1. Sign at the front of the Church reads, “No shirt, no shoes, no problem!”