SO the President walks on to Air Force one with two pigs under his arms and he says to an army general “These are Arkansas razor back pigs” then he says “this one for Hilary and this one is for Chelsea” Then the general says “nice trade sir”. — Submitted by Nick Mead
Author: admin
YOURE MOMMA
youre momma is so old her breast milk is powder
Exams at Cambridge
Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale.
The following dialog ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated):
“Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale.”
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.
Jail Birds
There were three woman which were gonna be executed. One was a blonde, one a brunette, and one a redhead.
They were outside all three of them and it was the brunettes turn to be executed. Just as they were aboout to shoot her she pointed behind the executers and yelled TORNADO. The executers looked behind them and the brunette escaped.
Now it was the redheads turn to be executed and just as they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind the executers and yelled TWISTER. The executers looked behind them and the redhead escaped as well.
Finally it was the blondes turn and just about when they were gonna shoot her she pointed behind them and yelled FIRE and they shot her!!
Do You Know Where God Is?
There were two very bad brothers, and they were always making trouble.
One day their school burned down, and the parents knew that their two sons
had something to do with it. As a result the parents decided to take the
kids to church so they would learn about what is right. They decided to
take the younger child first. When the younger child went to church the
priest asked “Son do you know where god is?” the little boy got scared. So
the priest asked again but he was a little mad this time”Son do you know
where god is?” the kid is know really very scared. The priest got even
madder and asked “Son do you know where god is?” the kid started to shake.
The priest was know furious and he asked “Son do you know where god is?”
the kid got really scared and ran home. When he got home he started to
pack his bag and his older brother asked why he was packing, the little
boy replied “The church is missing god and they think we took him!!”
He who hesitates is sometimes
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Dog Fishin’
What kind of fish does a dog catch?
Catfish.
Prostitutes and Drug Dealers
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What’s the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
Give it to me baby!!!
There was a lady telling her husband a joke: It goes like this; There was a
white and black rabbit they were playing hide and seek. The black rabbit hid
somewhere far and the white rabbit could’nt find him. He lost him. So, he saw
the pink rabbit and asked him where the black rabbit was. she said “if you give
it to me, i will tell you. The white rabbit gives it to the pink and the rabbit
tells him to go left. The white rabbit saw all his friends and on they were
going telling the white rabbit to give it to them so they could tell him where
the black rabbit is. It went on for 2 hours. Then the white rabbit saw the black
and do you know what happened??? The husband said what?? The lady said; If you
give it to me i’ll tell you!
Battle Hymn of Term Finals
(Sung to The Battle Hymn Of The Republic)
Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm
It’s infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus:
Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known
Chorus:
Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
They are adding all my points up
And I haven’t earned but few
In fact, I haven’t even gotten
More than one or two
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus:
Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
On the lines of every gradebook
There is solemn news for me
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus:
Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas
But I won’t be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass
The truth was finally shown.
Chorus:
Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humilation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known.
les dinosaurs
Q. What do u call 2 lesbian dinosaurs?
A: A lickalotapuss