Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Author: admin
Blonde Highway
Q: Why don’t blones have pubic hair?
A: Have you ever seen grass grow on a highway?
Top Ten Questions on
Top Ten Questions on the Spice Girls Application
10. Can you read?
9. Are you allergic to spandex?
8. Are you comfortable with the name “Replacement Spice?”
7. Would you be willing to go on a lame “reunion tour” in about four years?
6. Do you have another job lined up when we fire your ass?
5. Were you dumb enough to spend $9 on a ticket for the Spice Girls movie?
4. Oh, and by the way, can you, like, sing or anything?
3. Have you ever taken the SAT’s?
2. Can you spell “SAT’s?”
1. Ever kill a guy?
Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, ”Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.” Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ”We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, ”And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, ”Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
First Words
The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “Soup’s cold.”
His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken before?”
The boy looked at her and replied, “Up until now, everything’s been okay.”
The perfect man poem.
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too.
He’ll do anything in his power
To show his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet,
Writing poetry from your name.
He’s a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He has never made you cry
Or hurt you in any way.
Oh, “to hell with this stupid poem,”
“Cause the perfect man is gay!”
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
Little boy
once opon a time there was little boy playing with his electric tran and the mother was in the kitchen doing god knows what the train stops and the boy said all you Brassards who are geting off get the hell of now because this is the last stop and all you Brassards getting on get the hell on now because where going down the tracks the Horrified mother ran out and said go to your room for 2 hours and you can play with your train again 2 hours pass the boy starts to play again the train stoped and th boy said all you passengers who are disinbarking i hope you hade a good trip and all you passenger who are getting on please put your hand luggage under the seats th mother began to smils but as she did that th boy added and all you barsttards who are pissed off about the two hour delay please derct your conplants to th fat bitch in the kitchen.
Bi-baby
Did you her the one about the bi-sexual baby? It had a penis AND a brain.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Raleigh!Raleigh who?Raleigh round
Knock KnockWho’s there?Raleigh!Raleigh who?Raleigh round the flag boys!
12-inch pianist
There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall
playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and
the barman tells him he’ll tell him later.
So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
‘Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a
wish.’
‘OK,’ says the guy.
He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
‘You have one wish.’
The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke
fills the room and when the smoke clears there
are a million ducks crowding the bar.
He tells the barman,
‘Hey, I didn’t want a million ducks.’
The barman replies, ‘You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?’
Ever decide to run a
Ever decide to run a red light, and the guy in front of you chickens out?