What do Micheal Jackson and Caviar have in common?
They both come on little crackers.
Author: admin
Fairy pie
When is a fairy not a fairy?????
When shes a goblin
Geek Theology
In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.
On the first day, he toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and “active low” signals didn’t yet exist.)
On the second day, God’s boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn’t. God learned the importance of backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day (and his first all-nighter) reinstalling the universe.
On the third day, the bit cried “Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!” And God created rev. 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe Marketing immediately realised that “new and improved” wouldn’t do justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit. Many bits followed, but only one was so honored.
On the fourth day, God created a simple ALU with ‘add’ and ‘logical shift’ instructions. And the original bit discovered that by performing a single shift instruction, it could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realised the importance of computer security.
On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life kicker, rev. 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said “Forget that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply.” And God saw that it was good.
On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimising compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, microinterrupts, race conditions, and propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.
On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn’t worked right since.
Titswiggle
There was once a woman who owned a dog that she named Titswiggle.
One day when she came home from work she discovered that her beloved dog had run away.
She was out all night asking if anyone had seen a loose dog.
Nobody had seen him that night but the next morning she met a little boy who said that he had seen a stray dog. The dog he described matched hers exactly.
Upon finding out this information she asked the young boy, “Have you seen my Titswiggle?”
Then the boy said, “No, but can that be my reward?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Est�n tomando unos luchadores en
Est�n tomando unos luchadores en una cantina y de pronto un mesero joto (homosexual) se acerca a no de ellos y le dice:
“Qu� brazotes, d�jame tocarlos.”
Y el luchador le dice, “T�calos, para que veas.”
El joto dice, “Qu� piernotas, qu� espaldota, �me dejas meterte una llave?”
El luchador le contesta, “No, c�mo crees, no puedes conmigo.”
“S�, s�, d�jame meterte una llave.”
Tanto estuvo insistiendo, hasta que por fin le dice el luchador, “Andale pues, m�teme una llave.”
Y el joto sin inmutarse le mete una llave en la bolsa de la camisa y le dice: “Cuarto 201.”
GOLF COURSE
Question: Why did the man wear to pars of pants to the golf course?
Answer: Just in case he got a hole in one.
Monica Lewinsky’s Resume
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
“Sat on the Presidential Staff”
Why are they called buildings,
Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together? Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is? Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
The Deer Hunt
The Deer HuntSaturday1:00 a.m. – Alarm clock rings. 2:00 a.m. – Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed. 2:30 a.m. – Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup. 3:00 a.m. – Leave for the deep woods. 3:15 a.m. – Drive back home and pick up gun. 3:30 a.m. – Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight. 4:00 a.m. – Set up camp – forgot tent. 4:30 a.m. – Head into the woods. 6:05 a.m. – See eight deer. 6:06 a.m. – Take aim and sqweeze trigger. 6:07 a.m. – “Click”. 6:08 a.m. – Load gun while watching deer go over hill. 8:00 a.m. – Head back to camp. 9:00 a.m. – Still looking for camp. 10:00 a.m. – Realize you don’t know where camp is. 12:00 noon – Fire gun for help — eat whild berries. 12:15 p.m. – Run out of bullets — eight deer come back. 12:20 p.m. – Stange feeling in stomach. 12:30 p.m. – Realize you ate poison berries. 12:45 p.m. – Rescuded. 12:55 p.m. – Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped. 3:00 p.m. – Arrive back in camp. 3:30 p.m. – Leave camp to kill deer. 4:00 p.m. – Return to camp for bullets. 4:01 p.m. – Load gun — Leave camp again. 5:00 p.m. – Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you. 6:00 p.m. – Arrive at camp — see deer grazing in camp. 6:01 p.m. – Load gun. 6:02 p.m. – Fire gun. 6:03 p.m. – One dead pickup truck. 6:05 p.m. – Hunting partner retuns to camp dragging deer. 6:06 p.m. – Repress strong desire to shoot partner. 6:07 p.m. – Fall into camp fire. 6:10 p.m. – Change clothes, throw burned one in fire. 6:15 p.m. – Take pickup, leave — partner and his deer in the woods. 6:25 p.m. – Pickup boils over — hole shot in block. 6:26 p.m. – Start walking. 6:30 p.m. – Stuble and fall, drop gun in mud. 6:35 p.m. – Meet bear. 6:36 p.m. – Take aim. 6:37 p.m. – Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:38 p.m. – Mess pants. 6:39 p.m. – Climb tree. 9:00 p.m. – Bear departs, wrap *@*=*/@ gun around tree. Midnight – Home at last.Sunday – Watching football game on T.V. , slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place into envelope and mail to game warden with very clear instructions on where to place it!
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: How does Bill Clinton say “I’m about to hurt you”?A: “Trust me.”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Your mama is so stupid
your mama is so stupid she locked her self in a grocie store and starved to death