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Little Johnny and the experiment.

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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded…
“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

Protecting the Greenhouse

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Please note: No matter how pathetic this story sounds it’s
actually true.

One day, a man saw a stranger on his property. Ready to go to
extreme measures, he pulled out his pistol and stopped the guy
at gunpoint and called the police.

When the police arrived the man was still holding a gun to the
stranger, who turned out to be a college student.

The police offier said, “Put the gun away and tell me the story.”

The man said, “Well officer, I was watching TV in my basement
when a pair of footsteps went by the window. I knew it was
someone suspicious, so I sneaked out the back to see what he was
up to. When I got out, I caught him running out of the
greenhouse with the loot.”

The policeman, seeing the student with a few plants began to get
annoyed. “Is this really what you were stealing?” he asked the
student.

However, before the student could answer, the man said, “Those
aren’t just any plants, those are my best pot plants!”

15 Fun Things To Do In Public Places

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1. Follow somebody around for hours and then ask them to stop
following you.
2. Go to a public drinking fountain and offer to hold down the
button. Then press it down halfway and when the person leans
forward press it down all the way to soak their face.
3. Viciously attack a stop sign with a newspaper.
4. Steal manhole covers and run around with them.
5. Throw water balloons at people in office buildings from the
street.
6. Run at top speed by some people yelling, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
7. Put a box with an alarm clock in it down and run away.
8. Set up a tent and do scout things, such as trying to start
fires with rocks.
9. Fall down and when somebody tries to help you up scream, “get
away from me!”.
10. Walk around with a baseball bat and ask people,” you talkin’
to me?”
11. Carry around bags of sugar and walk up to people and say,
“Hi my name is Bob and I’m running for governer.” Give them
the bag and run away saying, “vote for me!”
12. Roll a tennis ball and run after it crying.
13. Fall down, clutch your knees and roll.
14. Tell people that the blue light is back.
15. Walk up to a stranger and ask them if the Force is with them.

Heaven playing sports

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St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.”Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.””I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”

Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)

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TO : ALL EMPLOYEES

FR : MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT : SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well-trained through out program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give out employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and out managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t have to take S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to the DIRECTOR OF EXTRA EMPLOYEE PROGRAMMING (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGHT INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you.

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)