A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeding motorists but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem.
A 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign that read ‘Radar Trap Ahead’. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading ‘Tips’ and a bucket full of change.
Author: admin
Two Best Friends
After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing, he tried sliding his hand up her blouse. Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry, and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, ‘A girl’s best friends are her own two legs.’
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary’s skirt. Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary, ‘I repeat, a girl’s best friends are her own two legs.’
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road. This time, Mary didn’t get home until very late. That night, she wrote in her diary, ‘There comes a time when even the best of friends must part.’
The Dead Dog
There’s a man and his wife who own a pub, and have a dog called Fido, who’s 24, which is very old for a dog. One day the dog tragically dies, and they bury him but keep his tail separate as a memorial.
That night, the man hears a strange noise and rushes downstairs to find the dog’s ghost, demanding for his tail back.
The man was just about to give the tail back when the wife rushed down and said:
‘Don’t give it back! Don’t give it back!’
‘Why?’ asked the man.
‘You’re not allowed to retail spirits after 12:00!’
gay bar
This guy had a hard day at work and decided to get a drink on
the way home. He stopped in to this bar and didn’t realize it
was a gay bar. He took a seat in this both and a waiter came up
to him and asked what the name of his penis was. The guy looked
at him puzled and said what?? The waiter replied i have to know
the name of your penis before I can serve you it is house rules.
The man asked well what is the name of yours?? the waiter said
it is NIKE ya know just do it. Oh said the guy a few min. passed
and the waiter asked him again a short pause then the man
replied it is SECRET the waiter questioned what does that mean
the man sad ya know strong enough for a man but made for a woman.
Why does Bill Clinton wear
Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.
Q: How many Techno
Q: How many Techno dancers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Six, one to wear it around the neck, one to bring ecstasy and give it to the dancer to distract him, one to steal the light bulb while the dancer is distracted and dazed from ecstasy, three to distract the remaining crowd so they will not try to grab the bulb.
"Dog Habits&quo
A very concerned woman calls her family doctor and says she is worried about her husband Joe,who for some reason started eating dog biscuits,consuming two or three boxes every week.The doctor agrees that such behavior is odd,but he doesn’t believe there’s any ingredient in the biscuit to harm Joe. The young wife,feeling better after hearing the doctor’s assurance,thanked him and decided to forget about it. A few days later she calls the doctor again,this time late in the evening at the doctor’s home,and in a panic. Sobbing over the phone she explains that she awoke to find Joe wasn’t in bed or in the house, and after hearing strange sounds coming from the back yard’she went to investegate.There was Joe, down on all fours,growling and occasionally howling at the moon. The doctor, in a very soothing bed-side manner,soon had the woman calmed down and told her he believed Joe was doing these doggie things for attention and she should ignore it. That seemed to appease Joe’s wife so again she thanked the doctor and hung up.A week went by and the doctor began to second-guess himself,thinking maybe he had been too quick to shun off the seriousness of Joe’s dilemma.So he decided to call and check.When Joe’s wife answered ,the doctor told her why he was calling,she said “Joe died 5 days ago.” The doctor was stunned.”I sincerely hope the dog biscuits had nothing to do with his death” said the Doc. Oh No! said Joe’s wife.”He was laying in the driveway licking his dick and the milk truck ran over him.”
Yo momma sofat
yo momma so fat when she went to the hotel and asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the ocean
Old & New concerns.
Old & New concerns for the baby boomers:
Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.
Then: Keg
Now: EKG.
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.
Then: Moving to California because it’s cool.
Now: Moving to California because it’s hot.
Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.
Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.
Then: Our president’s struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president’s struggle with fidelity.
Then: Paar.
Now: AARP.
Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine.
Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.
Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.
Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.
Is that what I do?
Husband: “Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you?”
Wife: “Is that what I do?”
The Patch
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
“Which one?”, asked the doctor .
“The patch,” he replied, “the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and I’ve run out of places to put it!”
The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see…
The man had over fifty patches on his body!
Today, the instructions have been changed.
They include removing the old patch before applying a new one!
Over the injury
Independent Medical Examiner: It may be both. And we have a phrase for that in
the orthopedic community, “green poultice treatment.”
Attorney: What does that mean?
IME: “Green poultice treatment” means the pain will go away once a green
poultice, or stack of money, is placed over the injury.