Knock knock:who’s there
banana:banana who
knock knock:who’s there
banana:banana who
knock knock:who’s there
orange:orange who
orange you glad i didn’t say banana
Author: admin
Redneck Condoms
A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: “I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need
me some perfection. How much is a pack a’ deem rubbers going to cost me?”
The pharmacist responds: “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.”
To which the redneck replies: “TACKS! Gad a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by
themselves.”
The magic voodoo penis
once there was this guy and he didnt know what to get his wife
for her birthday so he went into this shop and asked this guy
what he had, the guy said, does your wife like dolls, no said
the husband, ok said the shop man, what does she like?, she
likes sex replied the man laughing, well i have just the thing
for her then replied the man, he bought out this wooden penis.
the husband says, what the hell is that, its a magic vodoo penis
replied the shop man, just tell it where to go and it will go
there.
ok the man said, i will try it, the man said vodoo penis, door
handle.
the vodoo penis went to the door and knowcked the handle off.
alright i will take it the man said.
so the man took it home to his wife and she was thrilled.
that night, her husband was out and she felf a liffle horney so
she got the vodoo penis and said” vodoo penis, my vagina, the
voodoo penis went there immediatly and gave her heaps of
pleasure, but she eventually got sick of it and she tried to get
it out but it wouldnt come out so she paniced and hoped in her
car with no clothes on and started driving as fast as she could.
she eventually got pulled over by the police.
why are you driving so fast?, she replied ” theres a mgic vodoo
penis in me and the police man said ” voodoo penis my ass”.
Stupid
yo Mama is so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Divine Flatulence
Why did God make farts smelly? So deaf people can enjoy them too!
Cigarettes Machine
A man and a woman are in a hotel and are about to have sex. They already have all of their clothes off and are in the bed when the woman says, “I want a pack of cigarettes.”
The man says, “You want a pack of cigarettes… before?” She says, “Ya, I’ll concentrate better if I have a smoke.”
The man says, “OK,” and goes to get a pack of cigarettes. He doesn’t think to get dressed because it is so late. He goes to the cigarette machine and decides to buy two packs just in case. He starts heading back to his room when he sees three nuns. He poses as a statue and hopes they’ll pass by.
The nuns come over to him and since they had never seen a naked man they thought he was a vending machine. The first nun searches for the trigger mechanism and pulls his johnson. Startled, he drops a pack of cigarettes. The second nun does the same and he drops the other pack of cigarettes. When the third nun executes the maneuver she says, “Look girls it has lotion, too!”
In the Army
One day a brunette, redhead, and blonde joined the army as spies. They were captured together and set up against a wall to be shot seperately. The General said they had one last word they could say before they were shot by his men with their guns ready.
The brunette yelled out “Earthquake!!!” and everyone fled to their barracks and she escaped.
The redhead yelled out “Tornadoe!!!” and everyone fled to their barracks and she escaped.
The Blonde after seeing these things happen yelled out “Fire!!!” – and was shot on the spot.
Can Do With Tampax
Two boys show up at the local drugstore. One is 12 years old and the other is 6. The older boy orders some Tampax for his little brother.
“You must be a little mixed up,” the clerk says, “don’t you want it for your mother?”
The kid keeps insisting he wants it for his brother and says, “I saw on TV if you wear Tampax you can ride a bicycle and go swimming…he can’t do any of those things now.”
Wild sex dream
A distraught man goes to see a psychologist.
“How may I help you?” the doctor asks.
Tha man replies, “Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I�m lying in bed and a dozen women walk in and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me.”
“And then what do you do?” the shrink asks.
“I push them away,” the man says.
“Then what do you want me to do?” the shrink asks.
“Break my arms!” he pleaded.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Senate wants
“You see, the Senate wants to take away some of the powers of the
administrative branch.” �George W. Bush, Washington, D.C.
Kissing the Frog
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
It’s difficult to work in
It’s difficult to work in a group when you’re omnipotent.