hi im going to tell u about him
he is a red head
he is my neightbor
i hate him
he is so wierd
im a girl
named…. kara
lol
lol
lol
lol
lol
its no funny
Author: admin
Ray
what do you call ray when he got hit by a ten tonne truck?
XRAY…………..
SORRY KIDS
Clinton Administration Medical Dictionary
Acute – opposite of an ugly
Artery – the study of paintings
Bacteria – back door of a cafeteria
Barium – what doctors do to patients
Benign – what you are after you’re 8.
Bowel – letter like A,E,I,O, or U
Cat Scan – searching for a kitty
Cauterize – made eye contact with her
Cesarean Section – neighborhood in Rome
Colic – a sheep dog
Concussion – a prisoner’s sofa
Congenital – to be friendly
D & C – where the White House is
Dilate – to live too long
Enema – not a friend
Fester – quicker
Fibula – a small lie
Genital – not a Jew
GI series – a soldier ball game
Hangnail – a coat hook
Hospital – a prostitute ejecting saliva
Impotent – distinguished, well known
Jaundice – to include in a group
Kinesthetics – relationships among relatives
Labor Pain – getting hurt at work
Leper – a wild cat
Malaria – shopping place
Medical Staff – a doctor’s cane
Morbid – a higher bid
Nitrates – cheaper than day rates
Node – was aware of
Outpatient – a person who fainted
Pap Smear – a fatherhood test
Pelvis – a cousin of Elvis
Post-operative – a letter carrier
Prostate – flat on your back
Recovery Room – a place used for upholstery work.
Rectum – dang near killed ’em
Rheumatic – amorous
Secretion – hiding something
Seizure – a Roman emperor
Serology – study of English Knighthood
Tablet – a small table
Terminal Illness………getting sick at the airport
Tumor – more than one
Urinate – two steps short of a perfect “10”.
Urine – opposite of you’re out
Varicose – nearby
Vein – conceited
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?A: Knock on the door.
Lovers Quarrel
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.’
‘Yeah’ she replies, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.’
Glasses
A professor gives a lecture in the college. After the long lecture he asks:
“Any questions?”
A voice from the rear desk:
“Are the glasses free on your table?”
En su viaje a Nueva
En su viaje a Nueva York, Manolo compr� una televisi�n para llev�rsela a su familia.
“�Es qu� no hay televisores en su pa�s?”, pregunt� alguien.
“Claro que los hay, pero los programas de aqu� me gustan mucho m�s”.
Helen Keller
Q: Why can’t Hellen Keller drive?
A: Because she’s a woman.
Butt Doctor
A man went into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor’s desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.When the doctor came in, the man said, “Look Doc, this is my first exam… I know what the K-Y is for… and I know what the glove is for…but what’s the BEER for?”At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, “Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!”
10 Things To Say To Telemarketers
1. When you pick up the phone say, “Hello.” then wait for them
to start talking, put on a recorded tone in you voice, and say,
“If this is someone calling for Ed or Steve please press one . .
. If this is a telemarketer please press two . . . (after you
hear a beep sound say)Thank you for calling please leave a
message after the click.” Then hang up the phone.
2. When you pick up the phone ask who is speaking to you and if
it is someone from the other sex start asking about their
personal life and continue asking questions like “how are you?”
and “how old are you?” and advance to the final question “will
you go out with me?”
3. If the telemarketer is from AT&T start asking how much money
it will cost in the long run and when they answer say “Do you
use AT&T or do you just work there? Huh? Huh? Do yah? Do yah?”
and before they can answer say “Yeah that’s what I thought!” and
hang up.
4. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and
they ask to speak to your one of your parents say, “Okay, I
will, if you pay me five bucks, oh and by the way I take checks
or cash but no credit cards.”
5. If a kid picks up the phone when the telemarketer calls and
wants to speak with your parent say, “Please hold” and put easy
listening music and wait 5 minutes come on again and say, “You
will have to hold for 10 more minutes” put the music back on and
wait the ten minutes if the telemarketer is still on the other
line pick up the phone say, “How do you like it? Huh? Well you
waited for nothing because he/she isn’t home Ahahahahaha!!!
Sucker!!” and hang up.
6. When you pick up the phone put on a foreign accent and ask
the telemarketer to repeat every sentence over and over. When
that has been done tell them something like (if their trying to
sell you a vacuum) “So vhat it is zat you are saying zat you
will zuck your pro-duct . . . or vos it dat your product vill
zuck you? I am all con-fus-ed hhhmmm. I’ll call you back about
ze product OK. . Good bye now!”
7. If they call around dinner time say, “Can I have your home
phone number so that we can keep talking about your great
product.” When they answer that they are not allowed to say,
“For privacy reasons right . . . how ironic, your invading my
privacy, so tell your snobby company to stop calling me or I’ll
look up all of your phone numbers and call you in the wee hours
of the morning!
8. Insist that it is your best friend from college on the other
line and start talking about the good times you hade together.
9. When the telemarketer calls put on a gruff voice and say, “I
know what you did last summer” or “I know where you live”.
10. Go totally berserk and start yelling things that make no
sense.
Indifferent
One day, during English class, the teach says, “Who can tell me the meaning of ‘indifferent’?”
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows.
Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant, call on him. “Yes, Johnny?”
“Teach, it’s means ‘lovely’.”
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, “Johnny, can you explain why you think ‘indifferent’ means ‘lovely’?”
“Sure, teach. Last nite when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, ‘That’s lovely. ‘Dad replied to her, ‘Yep, it’s in different.'”
How to Make a Marriage Last
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N.Y.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
The driver said, “No, jump in!”